God dammit that second fucking 7-11 Chili Cheeseburger Bite was a bad idea. You’ve just spent the past hour playing your Bro in a best of 13 full cup quarters match, and you feel like you’re about to fucking #48 blow. As the room starts to spin, all you see is a shitload of beer cans and that Slam Piece you #181 called over after the 7th game. Sure it’s only 6 o’clock on a Thursday and she was at the Library studying for finals, but that shit doesn’t matter. She fucking knew a Bro wanted to bang her, so you better fucking believe she sprinted over to your place. Now all that stands in your way from a Pre-“Jeopardy” slay-sesh is hitting this last cup (and holding in your fucking lunch.)
You line up your quarter to the kitchen counter’s sweet spot, throw it fucking perfectly, and scream out “HIBACHI” expecting a plop, but instead of the cheers from the Bros that have sacrificed their exams to watch your match-up, all you hear are groans. What. The. Fuck. You missed. You immediately shrug off your choke and go on the defensive, distracting your opponent, even resorting to your patented “nuts on the table” move, but even though you’re screaming out the most vulgar shit you can think of, it’s inevitable: George Washington takes a Natty Bath. As you grab the pint glass and start #130 chugging, all you can think of is the fucking globs of chili pouring out of that rusty convenience store spout. Then, just as the quarter hits your lips, you unleash a wave of vomit unseen by the World since Lardass’s Pie Eating Contest revenge. As your Bros hit the ground laughing, you see your Slam Piece run out the door screaming. What the fuck do you care? She’ll be back, but in the meantime, you’ve got some time to kill. So, you stare down your opponent and set the gauntlet, “REMATCH.” Bros fucking love Drinking Games.
There are two things that drive every Bro’s life: Drinking and Sports. So, it really shouldn’t be a surprise that Bros fucking love combining that shit. Bros are fucking restless creatures, so we can’t go 10 minutes with just drinking and talking, I mean who the fuck do you think we are? Those fucking old ugly whores from Sex and the City?? Fuck that, Bros need to be active at all times and there’s no better way to do that than Drinking Games. While #6 Beer Pong will always be King, here’s a few other Bro Favorites:
Asshole – To be honest with you, I can’t fucking stand Asshole, but whenever I’m at some party, there’s always some guy who suggests it. Usually I make some huge scene and announce that I’d rather get circumcised by a Deli Meat Slicer, but for some reason the game goes on. The thing I hate most about Asshole is that there’s barely any fucking drinking involved. I guess it’s cool that somebody’s got to be #117 the bitch, but only if you make the rules for the Asshole to be really fucking degrading, like, oh I don’t know, he has to wear a diaper and maybe if he’s still the asshole after the second game, he has to take a dump in it! Otherwise, it’s really just some really lame card game without any fucking drinking.
Brome-Made Games - Bros are like Steve fucking Jobs. We see something and we want to make that shit better. Therefore, anytime we see pretty much anything involving drinking, we immediately put our superior intellects to use and find a way to make a game out of that shit. My Bros have created some great ones, from “Point and Drink,” where the object is basically, anyone who gets pointed at has to fucking drink to “Hide the Beer.” In Hide The Beer, the contestant buys a case, hides 4 beers, then drinks the other 20. After he’s on Black Out’s Doorstep, he has to find that fucking beer. If he finds it, he wins!! These are just examples, but one thing’s constant in any Brome-Made Game – you’ll be getting fucking drunk as shit.
Circle of Death – This is a game that’s played ONLY when there are girls involved. And not some fat chick who somehow showed up at the party uninvited, most likely to try to eat someone, I’m talking hot ass sluts you’re trying to bang. The entire game and it’s bullshit rules about “touching the floor” for a 4 and shit are all basically just a fucking ruse to get sluts to answer the “Never Have I Ever” questions. Bros don’t fucking break out shit like “Never Have I Ever eaten McDonald’s!!!” or any other weak shit like that. We go for the fucking jugular. “Never Have I Ever wanted to bang a guy at this table” always gets the juices flowing, but my personal favorite is “Never Have I Ever masturbated.” Girls will try to claim they’ve never “Beaten In” but they’re fucking liars and it’s your job as a Bro to call their fucking bluff.
Being the smartest motherfuckers on the planets is both a blessing and a curse. Sure it’s great to know more shit than everyone else, but at the same time, we’re not like girls who can chatter mindlessly for hours about Hollywood, how awesome Bros are, or their periods. When we’re drinking we need some fucking action in our lives. Enter Drinking Games: The Sport of Bro Kings.
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Thursday, May 24, 2012
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22 comments:
Pre-Jeopordy. Classic
The game is called boxing. 2 bros line up, each with a shot glass filled with beer, each with a trainer with a plethora of beer ready to pour for their boxer. Set a timer (it's up to you how long that is), when the round starts each boxer rolls 1 dice, whoever rolls lower drinks their shot of beer. Immediately after, while the loser's trainer pours another shot, the boxers roll. Whoever rolls more W's when the round is over, wins the round. We go 3 rounds and whoever wins 2, or makes their opponent puke (KO) wins the match. We once had an 8 person tournament. The championship round was 3 rounds of 5 minutes apiece. Myself and a fellow bro finished off 28 beers in those 15 minutes (plus a 2 minute intermission between rounds), keep in mind this was after each of us had won 2 previous matches. One hell of a game only meant for seasoned drinkers. Winners can truly name themselves Brohammed Ali.
I would love to watch you bros try to keep up in a game of chandelier. Only none of this weak ass beer shit. Vodka or die.
Sink the Biz.
Chandelier. Or: Kegball.
If you dont enjoyasshole its because you're not playing it right. to make it fun you really gotta degrade the asshole. also the president should be making people drink all the fucking time so i there should be no excuses for not drinking enough.
That mothafuckin boxing game sounds legit. I'm gonna bring that to the table tomorrow. We also have one where you have a pong table and partners. Each partner has 3 cans if they're pussies more if they're not. You hum a ping pong ball at the opposing teams cans and when it hits and goes flying all over the room, you and your partner start chugging. The other team has to find it and put it on the table - once it's on the table you put your beer down. Then you switch.. Whoever finishes first wins. Had a 10 team tournament once. 16 beers in an hour. Sick game.
Bros love triathlon. It's a game where flip cup, slap a bitch, and pong are all rolled into one massive team chug-off. We finished a 30 with 4 people in 45 minutes playing, its bro as shit.
Beer die....except combine it with landmines as well.
And Boom is always a classic.
Beerhunter: Russian Roulette with beer. Shake up a can of beer, mix it in with a bunch of other cans. Hold the beer up to your ear, open the tab. If you get soaked, congrats. If not, chug your whole can. Then repeat
How the fuck is flipcup not on here?
Vietnam War is where it's at. It combines beer pong and patriotism and getting shitfaced. It's 3 vs 3. USA: 10 cups arranged in a triangle filled with a 1/3 of a beer. Vietnam places 10 cups randomly around their side of the table but fills each cup to the top. When Vietnam sinks a cup, USA drinks and refills the cup. When USA sinks a cup, Vietnam chugs the beer while USA shouts "USA! USA!" and "AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!" The game is over when Vietnam is out of cups or the USA gives up. It's an easy way to polish off two 30s in an hour between 6 people. A brotastic way to start your night.
Because flip cup is a pussy game, not a man bro game. Man up and drink like a bro. People say "oh but bitches love to play flip cup we can get so much pussy!!". But fuck that bros don't need a bitch game like flip cup to get pussy.
^This - Flip Cup can be fun sometimes, but it's not a Bro drinking game. Beirut is a Bro drinking game. Bitches love a Bro who can fucking dominate a Beirut table, talk mad shit to his opponent, and drink his face off using a side case because he didn't lose any of his cups - just to show how fucking Bro he is. Gets a slam wetter than the fucking rainforest and she's ready to bang by the end of the night. Only betas need flip cup to get laid.
That Vietnam War game is brilliant. Outstanding work.
Drinking games are not for the most seasoned of bros I would contest. The most seasoned bros already know what to drink at what pace to get hammered. Drinking games are more for when the chew toys are over.
Definitely playing that boxing game tonight.
For the playoffs me and my bros invented Basketball:
3 cups on each side in an upside-down triangle rack and one layup cup in the middle for each team. One possession per side; if you hit one of the front cups its a 2-pointer you drink both and refill. If you hit the back cup its a 3-pointer you drink all three and refill. You keep possession until you hit a cup, airball a shot, or if the opponent catches it off the rim of a cup. If it hits the table or it hits the cup and they don't catch it you keep shooting. Instead of shooting you can go for the layup cup and its a flip cup match. If you win its 2 points if they win they gain possession.
Two timed 10 minute halves; team with the most points wins.
(We keep 9 cups filled in the middle to switch out when we hit because you drink so fast you'll be drinking foam half the time if you don't.)
Drinking games like ruit/pong are for the most seasoned of bros. Only pussies say let's play "Drink the Beer we don't need drinking games!!" and only because they suck at pong or any bro game. Slam pieces would-be turned off by the number of airballs or losses that "bro" would accumulate.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVcNY_XAA9c
Watch from 01:02
Enough said
"Youre a bitch" its like 4 square but on a ping pong table, everyone puts a beer in each corner and if you fuck up or it bounces twice on your side you have to proclaim yourself the bitch before everyone else. Not doing so results in chugging a beer. Also if you hit someones can they have to chug it. Winners take 1 drink after each turn and the new bitch takes 2.. Finished 2 cases in 40 minutes with only 4 of us
False, true bros don't need any gimmicks like playing games to get pussy or to get drunk. The true bros just give their drink or their pussy the "nod" and pound that shit.
You gotta play a game called "Nazi-Jew pong". Its 3-on-3, 30 cups per team. The Nazis shape their 30 cups into a swastika, and the Jews set up their 30 cups as the Star of David. The cups are re-racked to a smaller swastika and a smaller star when 18 cups remain on either team. The Nazis start the game off with 'blitzkreig,' and each player on the Nazis shoots until they miss, but this is only allowed for the first volley. The Jews have the 'Anne Frank Cup,' and this ability allows them to pick any one of their cups and hide it anywhere in the room, but it has to be shootable, obviously. The Jews can only do that once per game and can be used only during their turn. To equalize this slight advantage, the Nazis also have another ability called 'Auschwitz' (or 'Concentration Camp' if you don't know what that means). With this ability the Nazis can pick any player on the Jews team and they have to sit out of the game until the other two players on the Jews team each make a cup. After that happens the 3rd person on the Jews team can play again. Also, throughout the game talk alot of shit and say as many racist things as possible to make it more enjoyable. After 3 straight games your gonna be certified white-boy-wasted, unless your filling your cups like a bitch. If you're offended by this game then you are not a true bro, just a politically-correct overly sensitive pussy. Shit my bro who created this game is Jewish! Have fun and enjoy Bros
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