Bros fucking love Gangster Rap. But it’s not because we grew up in the fucking hood slinging rock on Crenshaw Boulevard - it’s because we are the Gangster Rappers. Every rap song ever written is about three things: #1 Getting fucked up, banging slam pieces, and talking about how #135 fucking loaded they are. Sound familiar? Only difference is we don’t have like a million kids running around, but that’s just because we’ve discovered ways to get girls #24 unpregnant.
It might shock you to learn this, but in addition to Brocism, some might argue there’s another epidemic out there nearly equal to our cause: Racism. Much like rappers can’t even roll down the street without getting pulled over on some bullshit charge like “Unlicensed Automatic Weapon,” we get put away for “Drunk in Public.” It’s fucking hard out here for a Bro, but it's encouraging to know that we’re not alone. So who are we to blame for these injustices? If something smells like bacon, there’s a reason – I’m about to fry up some fucking Pigs. Bros fucking hate the Police.
Now, I’m not a fucking idiot. I know we need Police to catch Murderers and Rapists - that’s fucking fine. What I’m not fine with is when this so-called “Police Work” ends up fucking over Bros. Police are the most offensive Bro-Haters on the fucking planet. Outside of the Bunk, McNulty and that Black guy from the "Police Academy" movies that made all those fucking noises with his mouth, there’s never been a Bro in the force. Here’s a couple facts about Cops that the fucking media seems to leave out of their news reports.
High School Drop Outs – You know who’s dream it is to be a Cop someday? Fucking no one. Everyone grows up dreaming to be a Doctor or Firemen, not a fucking Cop. Personally I always dreamed of drunkenly banging a shitload of bitches that I’ll never fucking talk to again, so no one can ever tell me dreams don’t come true. Anyways, nobody goes to College to be a Police Officer, so anytime some fucking Cop pulls you over for pretending the highway is the Richmond International Speedway, remember to ask him how old he was when his parents realized he was just dumb instead of actually retarded. Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t go to College because it was too expensive? So basically your Dad’s a fucking loser, too? God, for the sake of the human race just get your fucking tubes tied, we don’t need any more retarded kids sucking up our tax dollars.
Power Trip – So congratu-fucking-lations, you actually passed your GED and somehow got into the Police Force. Luckily for you, all those girls that wouldn’t give you the time of day back in #111 High School because they were too busy banging Bros now HAVE to pay attention to every thing you say. Not only that, but you get a gun AND a uniform. Wow, you’ve really made it big. NEWSFLASH: If girls really loved a man in uniform, Janitors would be constantly fucking on piles of trash. Fucking get over yourself.
The only reason Cops ever have guns in small College towns is so they can artificially inflate their 2 inch dick. Last time I checked you don’t need a fucking weapon to write a ticket for an open container. And don’t even get me started on the “Campus Police,” whose entire existence is based on making sure College Students don’t drink. I would honestly rather have a job beating off Zebras on camera for some sick fetish porn than that shit. And we’re supposed to show them fucking respect? Respect for what? A glorified lamppost? What’s the matter Skippy, couldn’t cut it in the Police Academy? Reading too hard? Get a fucking real job where you can actually look yourself in the mirror rather than dust off your plastic badge every morning for a long day of telling kids to use the fucking crosswalk.
“Fuck The Police.” Bros didn’t invent that shit, but you better fucking believe we live by it. Yeah we’ve got a fucking problem with authority, but that’s only because we’re the best, and no one has the fucking right to tell us what to do. These Brocist are fucking everywhere, and the most disturbing part of it all? We pay their fucking salaries. Makes me sick.
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Thursday, February 23, 2012
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21 comments:
This post couldn't come at a better time, I got arrested this past weekend walking back from a party
Fuckers threw me in jail for speeding on my down to JMU. sure, your average pleb shouldn't be doing 102, but bros know how to handle a car.
epic
Cops don't mean shit when your family knows the right people.
Summer after sophomore year of college, I got arrested for public intox and indecent exposure after a cop caught me fucking a slampiece on the beach while I was 8 beers and a couple lines of brocaine deep. Officer Billy Badass threw me in the drunk tank thinking he was going to teach the rich college boy a lesson. WRONG. Used my phone call to call my dad, who called his hunting buddy, the DA. Walked out of the station 20 minutes later without so much as a ticket on my record, and gave the arresting officer the Shooter McGavin point on my way out.
Bros are above the law.
"Not only that, but you get a gun AND a uniform."
NYB, I hope that was taken by one of the most bro movies of all time - The Rock.
"Well, earlier today you wanted a gun. Now you're getting a gun AND a wetsuit."
Gotta love the reference to The Wire...Bunk and McNulty are total bros slaying slam pieces and driving drunk.
I go to South Carolina. Here, gang bangers and transient crack addicts roam the streets of Five Points, regularly causing a fucking ruckus with students. You'd think these fucking brocist cops would be more concerned with, oh I don't know, protecting the students who pay tuition/their fucking miserly salaries, rather than arresting us for having fun. Our fall rush was even postponed.
Why, you ask? Because some dudes passed out with their pants around their ankles in the bushes by our student union house? Last time I checked, that was called "having a fucking fun night."
passed out at a party I threw a few weeks ago, the cops were outside for awhile but we but didnt do anything until the fucking crime unit rolled in with riot shields and smgs and a helicoptor. They felt so dumb when they realized they were busting up a bunch of rich white college kids instead of drug dealers/terrorists. After ticketing me for "disturbing the peace" they forced me go to the hospital because my BAC was like .30
Do they really think I'm going to pay for all this shit? Fuck no, thanks for the free medical treatment...FUCK THE POLICE
Slipped on ice once in front of a cop in Madison and the pig took me to detox. Went back out the next night even harder. Nobody polices the police, and it's fucked up. NYB, keep telling it like it is.
There was actually a pretty chill cop back home in high school. He'd pick us up walking home from parties, drop us off and let us go without searching or pressing charges. However this post is spot on regarding 99.9% of cops. Fuck the Police!!
I don't know what to make of the phrase "brolice"??? These word plays almost always work, but this one is paradoxical.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YPc8FYA6D8
The bro that wrote this song was a fucking champ. Fuck the po-po
Officer Slater and Officer Michaels in Superbad were arguably bros
Bitch cops are up there with bro-hater feminists as the worst people on this planet. Genocide please
Normally i love the shit you put up here but this article straight up sucked cock. the "high school dropouts" part is just wrong for many police forces such as the finest (NYPD) require a degree. i'm also doubting you've ever met a cop nor would you have the stones to say this shit to their face when they're off duty. you'd get your ass kicked son.
- Not a Cop
^Not a cop, but his boyfriend is.
>son
>not a cop
I agree with this post....but if you are a white, well dressed male in down town Chicago you can do what ever the fuck you want...
Spent my college years in San Diego, live in NYC now- big city cops don't bother upstanding honky crackers unless you give them a damn good reason. Which, on occasion, I have.
Between big cities and small towns are where the true dick-in-a-doughnut-hole piggies wallow about. Literally and figuratively: highway patrolmen/state troopers and mid-size city cops... all need a thumb >= a knuckle deep in the butt to get off.
I'm a cop...and a Bro. So, this article, while funny, isn't very acurate. College grad here pal.
I defy any one of you to go to a cop and say just a sentence of this crap. You would get the taste slapped out of you. Dont forget these cops are the ones making sure your not getting thumped at a 7 - 11. Bash idiots who cause the issues.....not the people there to lock them up. They dont make laws, they enforce.
Moted.
I grew up in a small rich new England town. Cops were generally pretty nice and if you got caught in high school they just sent you home and sometimes had you write a short letter or something. From my experience in big cities they don't care what you're doing (I walked up to a cop in times square and asked what would happen if my friends and I shotgunned there and he said probably nothing, so we gunned a couple man cans and nothing happened even though cops definitely saw us). Once I came to college at the university of Michigan I got an mip. Year later got another (blew a .25 at a concert) and a disorderly persons. I had to spend 2 grand in state fees and 10 in lawyer fees. I just got my probation violation charges dropped this morning thanks to my lawyer but the cops on campus and ones who bother with dumb shit like public drunkenness fucking suck. I have respect for the good cops but a lot are shit heads. Oh and for those of you saying "I dare you to say that to a cop" I did...probably why I got a disorderly haha
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