#183 Workaholics

Bros are fucking chameleons. We adapt to any situation with ease, naturally fitting into our surroundings. No matter the place or time, we pretty much always fucking dominating that shit. However, there are a couple periods in every bro’s life where adaptation is just fucking tough. Puberty is the first case where bros “struggle” to adjust. While girls go through like 10 years of being awkward and shit while learning how to deal with constant #123 blood loss, we usually have a two weeks stretch where we’re wondering why a fucking plant is growing out of our balls. While getting fucking hard nipples can prove to be a tough time in every young bro’s life, the real transition that challenges us takes place when we leave the friendly confines of the College campus we spent the past 5-6 years at for our first 9-5 job.

After years of constantly getting wasted and hitting on #101 freshman girls, you’re suddenly thrust into a fucking cube with people in their 40’s and 50’s whose weekends consist of buying “fresh produce at the Farmers’ Market” just so they can say they actually did something other than cry in the shower about being alone and fat. They’ll constantly talk to you about the fucking weather or traffic and God forbid you wear the same color shirt as someone else, because for the rest of the day, you’ll be hearing, “I didn’t know it was blue shirt day!! Why didn’t I get the memo??” Honestly, the first couple weeks in the office can be more awkward than the time you got that boner in the Communion line, but thankfully, our struggle has finally been recognized. Earlier this year, three bros emerged to tell the World our story as we were introduced to Ders, Blake, and Adam: The Workaholics.

For those of you unfamiliar with Workaholics, you fucking need to be. It’s on Comedy Central Tuesday nights and along with #56 It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia and The League, it’s one of the funniest shows on TV. Workaholics is the bro-equivalent of “Roots." Never before has there been a show written about us, by us. I’m sure some people will try to claim #47 Entourage was a show all about bros, but how many of us move out to LA to bang movie stars and fly around in private jets? Also, E is like 4 feet tall and belongs under a bridge feasting on bone marrow, so he’s clearly disqualified from being a bro. Workaholics follows three bros who just graduated from College, but much like any true bro, don’t let a diploma dictate a transformation into society’s idea of an “adult.” Instead, they #2 steal shit, constantly #55 destroy property, smoke #70 weed, and even got wasted with a fucking retarded guy in the first season.

Workaholics is the closest thing to reality television I’ve ever seen. How many sitcoms really need to be made with the premise, “Guy graduates College. Guy gets huge apartment in New York. Guy spends his entire 20’s desperately searching for a Woman to marry. Also, Guy is a huge fucking Pussy”? You see, shows like How I Met Your Mother are just unrealistic. They reinforce society’s vision of what a guy in his 20’s should be. But is this shit natural? Fuck no. Workaholics shows that every single day of a bro’s life is an adventure, and not just some shitty network “adventure” where the lead character goes out on the “WORST DATE EVER!!,” I’m talking about breaking other people’s property and #142 blacking out during the week shit. You know, everything being a bro fucking stands for.

Comedy Central recently picked Workaholics up for a third season and the show’s once small cult is spreading like a Rodney King riot fire. But the war on Brocism is not over. We need to make our voices heard. Shows like Workaholics let society know that we’re here, and not fucking backing down until injustices against our fellow bros end. In many ways we are all Ders, Blake, and Adam, and by working together, perhaps one day we’ll be able to truthfully tell all bros going through the difficult transition from College to the Workplace that indeed, “It Gets Better.”

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