OH MY GODDDDD you guys, I’m soo excited for tonight! It’s bid night and I’m gonna get sooo fucking wasted! Really need to blow of some steam you guys!I’m back and that was painful – for some reason I have a sudden urge for pizza that has a crust stuffed with Oreos. Anyways, there you have it: an impartial, fair assessment of the Fat Sorority Girl. Do I feel we’ve learned a lot here? Yeah, I fucking do. Are we as bros better people because of this? I didn’t think it was physically possible to get any better, but yeah I think we just did. Hopefully this exercise will put to bed the hurtful and unfounded stereotypes placed against bros and someday work to tear down the Bropressive walls that plague society. Who’s the douche bag now you fucking fat bitches?
Rush has been SOOOO hard. These stupid fucking bitches are awful. NO Omega Pride whatsoever. I guess I can’t really say anything, after all I was part of THE BEST fucking pledge class ever! WOOO – SPIRIT AWARD WINNER! That’s feckin right, I won the spirit award. Shouldn’t be surprising considering I took that shit down for FOUR STRAIGHT YEARS at Prep High. I totally would’ve gone to prom with the captain of the football team, but we all just decided to make it a girls’ night instead. Besides that fucking slut Jackie went with him – only because she goes all the way!
Whatevs, I was totally saving myself until last weekend when that REALLY cute guy walked me home. I just HAD to have sex with him and I LOVED IT! I mean he’s not even in a Fraternity, actually I’m not even sure he goes to school here - I think he was like 40, but whatevs, he’s totally mature and experienced and he’s totally into me. He kept yelling at me to “GET OFF!! GET OFF!! GET OFF!!” and I totally did, or at least he THOUGHT so ;) (I WAS TOTALLY FAKING, YOU GUYS!) Total Omega move – no hot, older guy can please us! He’s really sensitive too, you guys, he was crying afterwards! SOOO CUTE!! And I don’t care what Stacey Sanderson says, he was NOT homeless! I’m totally taking him to FORMAL!!!
I just can’t wait for tonight – all shots, no beer – counting calories, you guys - gotta watch that figure! Did the elliptical for 12 minutes today – totally earned fun tonight! We are pregaming HARD to LMFAO – sometimes I don’t know what rocks more, the Omega house BEFORE we go out or actually going out! We’re so fecking awesome, you guys. Can’t wait for late night PIZZA AND CHEESY BREAD!!
We made T-Shirts!! We’re cutting them up to make them look SLUTTY! Fact: We’re the fecking hottest sisters on campus. Much hotter than the fucking Kappas. I hate those sluts! They tamper with rush! I HAVE PROOF. Well, not like physical proof, but one of my sisters’ Dads has like a PI and he’s totally gonna spy on them and once he finds out they’re tampering, they’ll be going down like fecking Cindy Marshall does EVERY weekend! OMG, you guys! Did I just say that?!?
God, you guys, my boobs look HUGE in my Omega shirt and my jeans fit PERFECTLY. Thank God for elastic!!! I think I’m losing weight you guys! It only took me half an hour to get them on! My shirt’s fucking awesome, too. It hangs over my “bonus skin” (that’s what my Mom calls it!!) to hide it from all the hot Fraternity boys. It doesn’t matter though, all they’re going to see is this big Anna Nicole sized rack and just dive right in! Khloe Kardashian’s my hero!!
Oh My God, you guys, the iPod’s playing “PARTY ROCK!!” THAT’S THE OFFICIAL OMEGA JAM!!
CAN’T WAIT FOR TONIGHT!
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21 comments:
lol pretty funny...i thought you were gonna take the angle of a fat girl in a hot sorority tho. when it said "token" fat chick, i think that woulda been funnier..keep up the great posts bro
I can't handle reading this, its to funny
That just further fueled my hate for fat bitches and making them not feel welcome anywhere
Classic and it's 100% accurate, scary accurate actually.
this made my lecture 1000 times better
This is so fucking spot on dude. Idk how you do it man.. Keep Bro'in out.
bro that was so hard to read...god Im so glad I have a cock. Please dont pull that shit again, I hear that shit everyday skating past the tri delts..makes me want to kill myself.
I just emailed this to the listserv of my school's ADPi chapter (the fat bitch sorority on campus) because it describes them to a T. I'm sure they are all reading it and crying as much as I'm laughing at this moment. My Bros have a pool going in class right now on how many of them show up to the gym tomorrow to try and burn off the pint of self-pity ice cream they will be devouring tonight to drown their sadness after reading this awesome entry describing their repulsiveness. The over/under is currently at 8.
Well, played NYB. You made my afternoon. Fuck fat bitches - they have no place in BROciety.
I feel ya man with bro name; we call the ADPis at our school the Arizona Dog Pound because they're so fucking beat no one takes them home...
Sororities are the fucking worst especially when they're full of fat bitches. literally nothin worse. besides occassionally getting all the hot girls in one place, theyre completely useless and this shows pretty much every reason. of course, only a bro king can explain it all this well. great work NYB. ripping on sororities is twice as hilarious
Is it bad if i put icy hot on fat girls legs at homecoming and then watched them scream in terror with my bros
Please tell me everyone saw this shit,
http://nyc.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/dude-leaves-fat-bartender-a-zero-dollar-tip-with-a-note-saying-ps-you-could-stand-to-lose-a-few-pounds-bartender-blows-him-up-on-facebook/
too fuckin funny, this is gonna b my standard tip policy for whales. cant believe the food made it all the way to their table
Man, ADPi must be where hot and skinny go to die. I went to U-San Diego--a place where fat/ugly is outlawed--yet ADPi perennially flouted this rule with aplomb. ADPoo, ADMoo... call it either- at the end of the night it's all hoof marks and manure.
hahahah, I'm fucking crying right now. this is beautiful
Them fat sorority girls love to take advantage of blacked out bros. Personally i'd rather make love to a st. pauli girl bottle!
Sometimes you just have to bring up your average, other times you regret you still live. I woke up one morning on the couch with a Mimi lookalike from the Drew Carey show. I felt like the missing Tv remote control that helplessly gets stuck between the couch's pillows. Felt like a helpless retarted kid stuck in the ball pit at Chuckee Cheezes...no way out.
awesome
Can't have them fat bitches raping everyone. Bros gotta look out for each other
hahaha "bonus skin" is fucking priceless.
Damn Alpha Chi OMEGA fatties
This is scary fucking true, though I'd propose an amendment. She more likely banged a drunk fratboy (in which case, it is your duty as a bro to never ever ever let him forget it) or one who had to slay the dragon to get her away from her 10 friend for a bro,which is true nobility. Though if neither of the above happened hobos and white trash are probably the best she could get.
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