Bros don’t fucking pay attention to rules. I can honestly say that had I paid attention to rules and societal norms, I wouldn’t be the bro I am today. We’re told our entire life by parents, the media, school, books, fucking everything that some day when we grow up we’ll find the “girl of our dreams” and get married, buy a house, have kids, then spend the next 25 years of our life working some shitty job we fucking hate, just to make sure our kids can have some “Dora the Explorer” back pack. Fuck that. The truth of the matter is that someday, bros will probably marry a woman, but in the words of that Black guy in GLADIATOR, “Not Yet.”
Do people actually realize what marriage really means? I honestly think girls have been brainwashed into the idea through their entire childhood with a fucking #64 wedding dangled in front of their face like a rabbit at the dog track. Their idea of “marriage” is 90% related to what kind of flowers are going to be at their ceremony or what type of chairs they’re going to have at the reception or how fucking expensive their cake is gonna be. Girls want to get married so bad that they don’t even sit back to think that marriages last, you know, for FUCKING EVER. Last time I checked, that’s a long time. Sure you’ve been dating some guy for two years in College, but what the fuck do you really know about each other? That your #59 Sorority did #84 Homecoming with your fiance’s Fraternity Junior year and it was awesome!?!?! 95% of people graduating College have no fucking clue what they want to do, and the other 5% think they know, but learn within 2 years that they were way off. How the fuck can you commit to someone for fucking ever right out of College?
Now who are these guys who actually submit to getting married young? Oh you know, they “just know that she’s the one” aka they realize they don’t have a shot in hell of getting fucking laid in the wild so they gotta lock that shit down if they ever want to bang someone without using the opening line, “Hi, ah, yes, I’m responding to your ad on Craig’s List.” And for all you married “bros” out there, don’t fucking tell me, “OH FUCK YOU MAN, I’M A BRO BECAUSE I CHEAT ON MY WIFE ALL THE TIME.” If you were a bro, you wouldn’t have ever gotten married in the first place. Also, have fun with that divorce and paying your ex-wife half your fucking salary for the next 30 years.
Bros on the other hand don’t need to be tethered to one vagina. Bros bang more girls in one weekend than married guys will for the rest of their lives. Fucking married bro-haters always try to pull out the “You’re going to be a lonely old man” argument when I’m out slaying Rajon Randos, but come on, when has a bro ever been lonely? Try fucking never. Fact: Slam Pieces can’t resist a bro no matter how fucking old he is. And besides, I’d rather be lonely watching Football all day than spending Fall Sundays on hayrides in a fucking Pumpkin Patch.
Society looks down their noses at single people and bros in particular. While this is definitely warranted for girls over 30, since they’re obviously ugly and going to die alone, bros don’t deserve that shit. Getting wasted and banging strange is not only our national pastime, it’s our fucking livelihood. By submitting to the made up institution of marriage we’re denying ourselves a right to live. Together, we can support our Bro-Life cause by refusing to get married young. Sure, someday, we may get married. Perhaps because we want to have sons to pass our bro wisdom on to or maybe we legitimately meet a dime piece that can’t be topped. But that’s way fucking down the road because as everyone knows: our wives haven’t been born yet.
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Thursday, September 8, 2011
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15 comments:
Real bros don't need marriage. Marriage means kids and kids mean life ruiner.
"our wives haven't been born yet"=GOLD
"not yet" and "rajon randos"... both instant classics
NYB, this is just what I needed to read. I'm in the Army, AND FUCKING EVERYBODY GETS MARRIED YOUNG. Fuck that though, more strange out there for me.
Why do you think that porn label is "Bang Bro's"??
- Cause we do this for life
great post! marriage is money you could be spending on beer. also wanted to share something: this is not a moose. this is a broose.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14842999
I'm with you, NYB - FUCK MARRIAGE.
Another lame excuse that ex-bros who have been dragged down the aisle give to justify the end of their single life (which, lets face it, is the end of their life entirely) is "hey, a wedding is just an excuse to have a fucking rager and get wasted."
Oh yeah? You know what else is an excuse to get wasted? Every fucking day of the year, that's what. Bros don't need an elaborate ceremony with gay-ass flowers and shit to get fucked up - the fact that it's Thursday afternoon and ESPN Classic is replaying the 1994 Super Bowl is reason enough for us. You, your new wife, and the stack of shitty wedding gifts you received can go fuck off somewhere. I'll be twelve shots and 8 inches deep in some big-tittied rando before the two of you even get to your honeymoon suite. And unlike you, I won't have to talk to her again in the morning.
Bro Life.
The worst are the Bros from the South who get married to southern girls because; of family pressure, societal pressure, or they think their property(woman) will leave them because they haven't proposed by a certain time.
It comes down to this, if you are a male and consider yourself a Bro, but you are engaged or married, you lack the Moral Courage to stand up and believe in yourself. You are not a bro.
NYB, I have to give credit where credit is due. In one of my sales class, we were discussing event planning. My teacher was describing all kinds of events and weddings came up. He looked at me and said, "Do you plan on getting married anytime soon?" I promptly responded, "Bro, my wife isn't even born yet." Class stopped for about 5 minutes because of the laughter. I stole the line from you and it worked amazingly. Thank you and keep doing what you do best.
NYB I gotta tell you this post is exactly the proof I needed. one of my bros is trying to propose to his chick, and we're seniors in high school. not fuckin chill.
btw rajon rando was too fuckin funny
thats right real bro's dont get married. i aint gettin fuckn married, well we'll see. im 28 and i got no fuckn desire to get married, u kno why? i love my fuckn money and my freedom. my bro's are all shacked up, "sorry bro i cant, we're scrap booking tonight" HAHAHAAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAAHAH OUT OF THE BRO CLUB ASAP. balls are on a tight leash, ugh, makes me fucking sick
HAHA this post is pure Classic! my cousin is getting married next week and he's only 21 NOT BRO at all. What is Bro is that we get to go to a #135 expensive ass resort for a week. I'm one of the few people that drink in my family so I plan on going HAM during the wedding after party and since I'm a groomsmen I'm going to mack on any hot slam piece there that I'm not related to.
But back to not getting married young. Durng #118 graduation week my Bors older brother who's 37 came down and visited us in our college fraternity house and went out to the bars with us and some other hot #38 cougars his age. This guy was a fucking bro he was rich as fuck and only talked about how its stupid to get married young and how he bangs hot girls every weekend. He even said if you do want a family eventually you can buy a family in Costa Rice. Obviously he would never do that but it's funny to bring up in an argument with a bro hater.
Bros are the shit!
Keep speaking the truth NYB!
I'm a bro bur I prefer to wait for marriage and save myself. I am poor
Hit the nail on the head by pointing out that all bras really want is a wedding. Marriage itself scares the shit out of me, but the prospect of the actual wedding overshadows it. We bras have been conditioned our entire lives to want that Cinderella shit, but that's ALL I want... the commitment is secondary.
Babies are the worst STD a bro could get.
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