We’re too fucking big for rest of the World. “Normal people” see these genetically superior beings constantly getting wasted, having more fun in one night out than they do in their entire fucking lives and naturally, they get jealous. Their first move is to try to be like us. They go out and get drunk, only to find out they can’t fucking handle that shit and inevitably start desperately “hitting” on some whale by telling her all about their fucking Star Wars action figure set. Once these losers realize they’ll never be able to bang some random girl the first night they meet them, and instead are doomed to actually going out on fucking dates, they rapidly transform from John Doe in “Se7en” to motherfucking Mills - their envy becomes wrath. They start fucking labeling us as #124 Alcoholics or Douche Bags. They say we’re “what’s wrong with America.” They call US losers. US! While these Brocist slurs are ludicrous, slanderous, and ultimately uncalled for, there’s yet another term that they think offends us, that they think “puts us in our place,” but the fucking joke’s on them. We’re bros and we have every fucking right to be “cocky.”
What the fuck is “being cocky” anyways? Wikipedia defines that shit as “boldly or brashly self-confident.” And this is a bad thing? Isn’t the entire point of raising children to instill confidence in them? Isn’t that the reason that every little kid gets a trophy, you know so they feel good about themselves? Basically what these fucking Bro-Haters are saying is that high self-esteem is a bad thing, and that everyone would be much better off thinking they’re pieces of shit and hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you just go and commit suicide! Sure beats feeling good about yourself! You know what all this shit is? It’s fucking loser talk. Anyone who calls bros “cocky” is just jealous of how fucking awesome we are. And since that person is a fucking loser and obviously can’t ever be a bro, this is their last ditch effort to try to break us down so we stoop to their pathetic level.
The thing is, bros realize they’re fucking cocky. We embrace that shit. When you’re the best, it’s not cockiness - it’s honesty. And when was the last time being cocky was such a bad thing? When has confidence ever proved to be a negative? When was the last time a guy went home with a fucking dime piece by sitting in the corner, too nervous to even approach her (not counting serial killers). Bros use their “cockiness” to hit on anything in a fucking skirt. What’s the worst that can happen? Rejection? Fat fucking chance. Even if you do get some fucking prude ass bitch, whatever, just make sure to point out one of her deformities, like her little ears or some shit and move on to the next hole.
Honestly, If you don’t like how fucking awesome bros are, then it’s your fucking loss. Leave the bar to the professionals and go play Cranium with all your other fucking loser friends. It’s not like we’re delusional thinking we’re God’s gift to Earth. We fucking know that shit – you know how? Our entire lives everyone’s been telling us how fucking amazing we are. Remember those gym classes you always hated? Yeah, we were picked first for Dodge Ball AND pegged your ass in the fucking face. Remember how you went on 8 dates with that girl with nothing to show for it, only to have her stop responding to your texts? Yeah, everytime we set foot in a bar there’s an 85% chance we’ll be getting fucking laid. Remember how you had to fucking work at the Campus Post Office to put yourself through College? Yeah, I was busy buying a golf cart with my fucking Trust Fund just so I could destroy that shit. We’re bros – we don’t just think we’re better than everyone else, we fucking are.
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Thursday, August 18, 2011
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16 comments:
Too true, NYB. Cocky is definitely a compliment. Fuck anyone trying to bring down our clearly superior lifestyle.
Cocky may be the best compliment , it shows we are confident in our cocks. we use that shit wisely and we know how and when to use it
Love the Post!
To other fellow Bros out there...BRO OR NOT BRO??? Being at a #112 theme party and having a girl who's an 8 out of 10 or above just start randomly making out with you in front of everyone.. I think thats being #176 cocky. Obviously then having #131 drunk sex later and not #49 calling her again. The only argument some Bros have is that you are making out while at the party and not fucking yet.
"When you’re the best, it’s not cockiness - it’s honesty."
That shit is golden. I'll have to use that the next time some loser-ass hipster calls me cocky.
The only problem i have is the bros who think their bro kings when their really just lower tier wannabros who don't have the unbelievable good looks and intoxicating presence that us true bros clearly have. They're the ones that give our cockiness a bad name, those dudes arent being honest. whatashame.
@ LeBROn James
I think this whole post is fucking golden.
My bros hate on me when I say "Let's get real, I can fuck the shit out of that bitch" They call me cocky. They tell me to relax.. It pisses me the fuck off that they realize/know who the fuck they're talking to, yet pretend like they don't understand it. It's an easy concept. Fuck bitches, get money all day - this post boosted my ego even more if that's possible.
this is the best post youve ever had. a guy asked me the other day how do you hook up with so many girls? its because im cocky as shit. bitches eat that shit up.
god hipsters are so fucking gay....good post NYB, all truth.
"it ain't braggin motherfucker if ya back it up". Words of Kid Rock.
NYB, you should make a post about sick flows!
The overall lack of bro-ness in these anonymous comments so far is just sad. NYB write a post about sick flows? Who the fuck are you? Last I checked bros don't rap - they drunkenly grind on slampieces while rap is playing in the background.
Quoting Kid Rock? Can you get any less bro?
Asking if making out with a girl at a party is bro or not bro? Who gives a fuck? Was this your first time drinking and/or making out with a girl in public?
Well, BROshon Moreno is clearly retarted. Sick flows have absolutely nothing to do with music at all. If you don't know what sick flow is, you don't have sick flow. Or you're just a fucking idiot.
Cockiness gets me through everyday. How many people can walk out the door every morning thinking, "I can do whatever the fuck I want today and be better than everyone else at it"? Not fucking many. Bros are superior in every form and cockiness is our way of communicating it to the world.
Treat her like dirt and she will stick like mud
It's not cockiness if you can back it up. I'm a Bro, which means I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, to whomever I want. I'm at the top of society and nothing will ever change that.
I'm like Bradley fucking Cooper in Limitless. There is no bitch I can't fuck, no game I can't win, no job I can't get, no social setting I can't dominate, no law I can't break, no test I can't pass, no fight I can't finish, no luxury I can't obtain, no challenge I can't conquer.
It's not cockiness. It's not arrogance. It's not even confidence. It's just a straight up fact that I am the fucking personification of excellence, and that's the end of it. All true Bros know this to be true about themselves, and we wear that shit with pride.
Raise a glass of whatever you choose to rage with, fellow Bros. A toast: To being the pinnacle of all humanity.
I'm such a fucking alpha-bro that no human superlatives can even capture my awesomeness. I'm basically a living god.
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