Mailbag: Devil's Threesomes, William & Mary, and Bill Clinton

Heading down to New Orleans tomorrow with the bros to cause devastation that town hasn’t seen since 2005. My only goals for the trip are to 1) Not get killed (I’ve seen Treme - that place is fucking dangerous) and 2) Be in one of those funeral procession Second Lines, preferably after saying a few words about the dead guy. Also, bang multiple slam pieces, but that’s my goal for every fucking night. Anyways, before I submit to Sin City South, it’s time for another mailbag. As always, if you’ve got something you’re dying to know email me at AskNYB@gmail.com. Make sure to leave your name, as you’d want it to appear on this site (e.g. Tony B. Los Angeles). Alright, enough of this fucking bullshit – on to the mail!!!

NYB,

What are your thoughts on doing an Eiffel tower with your bro? Of course, no contact with your bro, just the slam piece.

Matt D.

 Imagine you get the #122 text: “Dude, I just had a threesome!” What’s the first thing that comes to mind? Obviously two girls and one guy going at it hardcore porn style, right? I mean, this has no doubt gotta be the peak of any bro’s life, but when it’s done with another guy? I’m not so sure that counts. There’s a reason they call it a “Devil’s Threesome” – because it’s fucking evil. I’ve actually got one buddy who’s been involved in one of these. The middle portion of the Eiffel Tower was pretty classy: 40, divorced, pretty busted looking, oh and they met her at a #146 strip club on a Sunday night (she was there for the show, too.) Now he said the three-way was actually a very “bonding experience” but I’ll take his fucking word for it. It’s not that I’m homophobic or anything, but I barely want to bang girls my bros slayed months after the fact, much less give my bro a high five while getting a BJ. I mean, I guess you could close your eyes and shit while it’s happening, but come on, we’re fucking bros. I’m pretty sure we’re capable of finding a girl who’ll bang us the boring, traditional way, you know, one on one? Personally, I’d rather just bang some fucking wildebeest than awkwardly ask my bro, “So, uh…you ready to switch holes now?”

I’m gonna be a Senior in High School and one of the schools I’m applying to is William & Mary. I know you went there and I just wanted to know, is it a bro school?

Bobby F.
Fort Lauderdale, FL

No. You know all those stereotypes you hear about William and Mary, where all the students spend all their time in the library before they ultimately commit suicide? Yeah, they’re all fucking true. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time at W&M, but that’s mainly because I was lucky enough to meet about 20 other guys who, much like me, loved to get fucked up beyond belief and do stupid shit. If I could do it all over again, there’s no fucking way I’d go there. Looking back on it, our main source of fun was playing beer pong, and guess what? Last year the administration banned that shit. That’s right, if you’re caught with anything even resembling a beer pong table, the Fun Nazis will send your ass to fucking Concentration Camp.

Honestly, much of the reason for why I am the way I am is because of the Brocism I had to endure there. Pretty much every single one of my bros was written up, usually for petty shit like possession of #70 marijuana, open containers, or ripping down bulletin board and #33 burning them. Yeah, we got community service/kicked off campus/suspended for that shit, but the fucking Bro-Haters could never pin the big shit on us. We destroyed shit, just for the sake of destroying shit. We’d throw ice cream cones into some random kid’s open dorm window every walk back from the Caf. Once we stole the Campus Escort golf cart at 2 am and took it for a joy ride that ended with a “burial at sea” in the nearby pond while we hummed "Taps." Then there was our weekly ritual of putting blocks of wood in the toilet then taking dumps on top of them so they wouldn’t flush, thus forcing the cleaning lady to fish the wood out on Monday morning. The list goes on and on. So, basically, I loved the people, but hated the fucking school.

To clarify things, Republicans (rich people) are bro and Democrats (bro haters) are leaders of brocism? However, Bill Clinton, bro? What are your thoughts over which political group is bro? If any?

Mike T.
Minneapolis, MN

If there’s one thing bros don’t fucking do – it’s get drunk and argue about politics. We have more important shit to talk about, like how nice the girl we banged last night’s rack was. Honestly, how much do politics really matter? Now I fucking know democracy is a good thing and all and I appreciate the shit out of all #163 the troops out there fighting for our right to be free, but come on, are our lives really going to be all that different if one guy gets elected over another? Traditionally, bros have sided with the Republican Party, but even Tea-Party bros have to admit that Slick Willy was the fucking man. I mean Clinton got fucking #145 hummers and Cigar-banged a girl in the Oval Office. Sure she was fat, but you gotta believe Lewinsky wasn’t his only fucking slam piece. In fact, I bet Clinton wasn’t so pissed that he got caught, but more that he got caught with that fucking cow. I mean I guess anything’s better than his wife, Hilary Robo-Dyke Clinton.

As far as whether bros are Republican or Democrats goes, personally, I’m always in the camp of whoever the fuck gets me the most money. BUT NYB, WHAT ABOUT HELPING OTHERS AND SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY?? Fuck that - it’s not my fault they’re fucking homeless. Maybe they should’ve thought about that shit before they decided against attending private high school or having their Dad pay for College so they could get wasted for four years and cheat their way to a diploma. Just the other day I was driving through Arlington, VA when some homeless guy wandered past my car. I couldn’t believe that shit, those streets are meant for rich guys to go jogging or stumble home drunk from the bars, not for fucking sleeping! I screamed out the window, “GET A FUCKING JOB, YOU LOSER!” I mean, you would think with Obama in office homeless guys would have no fucking problem finding work. I don’t know, maybe they just like taking dumps in Gatorade bottles. Or more likely - they’re just fucking lazy.

Follow Me on Twitter

Like Bros Like This Site on Facebook