There are certain pastimes that only bros truly know how to enjoy. Such events include having sex with complete strangers, drinking to the point of blacking out, and making sure that girls know that they are in fact the inferior gender. While all of these actions are incredibly important not only to bros, but to the livelihood of the entire country – the fact that they can be done on a daily basis doesn’t make them special.
Apparently March is Women’s History Month, which seems odd to me. What the fuck do they do to honor that? Just get together and watch old episodes of “Supermarket Sweep,” and talk for like two hours about how much cheaper Brillo pads used to be? Anyways, while Women are busy honoring the great kitchen trashbags of our time, bros have other plans. Starting at noon on Thursday, bros across the nation will gather at bars everywhere to honor one of the greatest traditions in history. Clutching their crumpled up sheet of paper with a filled out bracket inside and a pen to circle every team that wins – bros are set for four straight days of 12 hour sessions at the bar watching amateur basketball players and the University of Kentucky. Bros fucking love March Madness.
Honestly, does it get any better than that half an hour leading up to the first tip-off of the first game? While Greg Gumbel and Seth Davis talk some bullshit to fill up time, all you can think about is the huge fucking payout you’re going to win once you get that perfect fucking bracket. "Perfect bracket? Is that even possible?" Shut the fuck up bro-hater, of course it’s fucking possible. Bros know everything there is to know about every fucking team in the tournament. This is most likely because bros have been making money all season long by betting on games. While everyone else was sleeping - you better fucking believe bros were throwing cash at the Midnight Monday WAC games on ESPN.
Bros also know all about the mid-major teams and you better believe bros know who the major upsets are going to be. The beauty of picking an upset, is that say you pick a 14 over a 3 and that shit actually happens – for the rest of your life you can always rub that shit in your bros’ faces because it proves that you are smarter than them. A true bro will also never put all #1 seeds in the Final Four – by doing so, you lose the right to your name for the rest of the tournament and will be known only by your real name: bitch.
When you ask a bro how his bracket is looking, you will never get an answer of “It’s looking good.” That’s because bros have like five different brackets going at once. Bros always have that one “big money” bracket which they care most about, but there are always like 5 or 6 other pools they're in. For bros out of College, one of the brackets is always in the “office pool.” Even though it’s probably for the lowest amount of money, they're always the most frustrating for any working bro. This is because no matter how much research they do for each team, some little old woman who picks all chalk pretty much always wins. The worst is that she’ll never admit that she just picked the higher seeds, but will instead do like 3 minutes of research after winning to defend her picks by saying some shit like, “I just knew Coach Calipinarian could do it!” Fucking please – go back home to your ten cats you fucking psycho.
While bros can pretty much gamble on anything these days, the beauty of March Madness is that it makes you care about games that you wouldn’t give two shits about. Honestly, would anyone in their right mind ever want to see Purdue and Siena square off? Fuck no. But in that first round of games, everyone’s bracket is alive and every fucking point matters. Will you decide with 3 minutes left that you don’t care about your bracket anymore if this 16 seed can knock off the 1? Hell yeah. When the squad you picked to go to the Elite 8 hits a last second 3-pointer to escape in the first round, will you celebrate like you would if your slam piece just agreed to get the abortion? Fuck yeah you will.
With #108 Spring Break in the rear view mirror, and summer still a few months away, bros desperately need something to keep the momentum of the party going. For the next two weeks bros will enjoy one of the greatest pastime of all where #4 chanting, drinking heavily, and gambling are all encouraged. Welcome to March Madness.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
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78 comments:
Every year I fill out a bracket and every year I win. Why? Because in a fucking bro.
As always, a great post bro-king.
I am a little disappointed that the post wasn't one of, if not, THE greatest bro day of the year #110 St. Patrick's Day.
Kentucky will have to vacate any wins in about 4 years anyways, when Calipari leaves (again) due to NCAA violations.
Go ahead, hate on Coach Cal and the University of Kentucky.. but realize its because you're fucking jealous of what we have down here in Lexington.
First, our slumpbusters would give your slampieces a run for your money.. and don't even try to compare our slampieces to the cattle you go to school with. I will cite as my sources Maxim and Playboy magazine, who always rank us in the top 5 for hottest females.
Second, Coach Cal might not be a bro by definition due to the fact that he's married, but he makes up for it with his bro like moves on the court and his hot daughters. He's the richest coach, he can basically get any recruit he wants, and who else can yell a 6'11 giant blacklete without a worry of a beatdown after? And if you think for a second he doesn't get his from the freshmen sluts and sorrostitutes, you're a fucking idiot. If you try to tell me that you wouldn't want Calipari as the coach at your school, I'll tell you what it feels like to win and I'll even tell you what a vagina feels like.
And to address the "cheater" accusations, I see your allegation and I raise you a direct quote from John Calipari himself, "If you ain't cheatin, you're cheatin yourself."
God Bless America, God Bless Bros, God Bless the Big Blue Nation
UNC > KU All time
http://www.the5thcorner.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/uncbannerw09.jpg
I picked Florida State all the way to the Final Four. Why? I'm a fucking SEMINOLE BRO.
GO NOLES!
NYB, thank you so much for this post. Last night I was really expecting the traditional "Bro's love getting fucked up on St. Patty's Day" post. My epic spring break is over and I have been depressed as shit all week, up until I read this today.
But you did get something wrong. I think it was 2 years ago that all #1 seeds did go to the final four. Guess who had that shit picked even though all my bros gave me shit about it. Then having kansas beat memphis in the finals put my bracket over the top.
As always, great post
Kentucky is a fake SEC school. I'd rather go to Mississippi State than Kentucky. The only people who go to Kentucky are the children of meth addicts, people from Ohio and DeMarcus Cousins.
For the first time in 25 years, Arizona will not be in this years tournament. Please allow for a moment of silence.
Alethia Kai Brogos, NYB
Bros St. patty's day is great holiday dont get me wrong... best if your a Masshole, but March Madness is a Whole Freakin Month.
Calipari is 2 for 2 umass and Memphis you idiot true bros are the ones like bill self who are legit as far as anyone knows even though he gets ballers like Sherron who will make John wall lick his dick like a true bro would. HAWKS all the way
No St. Patty's day post? NYB no love for one of the greatest drinking holidays ever?
Fuck Calipari, such a bro hater, he slicks his hair back like a fucking guido. All true bros know Kansas is goin all the way, have you seen Cole Aldrich? Total Bro, got his teeth knocked out and was like "fuck it, I can still slay as many slam pieces as I want and I look like a fucking badass." Bro King
First off, to all you wannabe bros who are botching and moaning about the lack of a st. Pattys day post. Fuck you, you're clearly not a bro, because true bros don't need an excuse to pretend to be a different nationality, drink heavily and fuck a random slampiece and wake up
in the morning and not remember. True bros do that everyday. If anything st pattys day is te rest of the worlds attempt at being bros. Second off, march madness is the tits.
A-fucking-men my fellow brohawk. I'm a midwestern bro just like you, and a die hard KU fan. My hawks are going all the way. No man can stop Aldrich and Collins is easily one of the best guards of the country and he has tourney experience. Great post Ned's Younger Brother; I couldn't agree with you more. Keep up the good work, and good luck to all my bros out there with your brackets!
Fucking bro haters bosses at work who don't let you watch the tourn, fuck them.
st. pattys day is to day drinking what new year's eve is to going out.. amateur time.
NYB,
Ever thought of having a post each week crowning the "bro of the week"? you could do it for the month too but that would be cool as fuck. Bros could send in pics of them and their bros doing bro-ass shit.
Had this idea while pounding brews on my front porch at 9am this morning instead of going to class, fucking bro-haters want me to learn, fuck that. Bros are fucking awesome
NYB, whilst I also was expecting a St. Patty's day post, I was pleasantly surprised by this march madness post because once again it is fucking right on and bro as shit.
Purdue's a fuckin bro school... Regardless, I have $200 total put into this shit. 2 $50 pools and 1 $100. I'm taking it home in all 3 of those fuckin pools.
The fires of Lawrence still keep me warm in the winter knowing that when you're a Tiger Bite is always louder than your bark cuz Tigers don't bark. Duke and WV all the way!
Georgetown is the most bro school in the country. Their starting 5 is all black and slay like 5 slam pieces a night each. Georgetown wins games and georgetown wins brackets. Broya Saxa
Rick Pitino is the most bro coach in the ncaa. making LOUISVILLE hands down the most bro team in the bracket.
simply an incredible post...i am going to be at 4 of the games tomorrow can no wait...obviously my rich ass parents got me the tickets so me and one of my fellow bros get to experience the greatest tournament of all time
lets be real bros....im fuckin teachin and i hate fuckin kids but guess what its a fuckin pay check....watching march madness never slows me down...ill watch this shit and drink beers at my lunch hour just to see whats going down...nothin like madness month....get your shit together and drink to your winnings, cause even if you dont win your bracket bros are always winners...slam hoes and do fuckin work cause some dumb slam piece out there will believe you are the man, and you are if your a bro.....im hammered now and ill be in school in 4 hours.....no excuses...bros always fuckin WIN...and if your not a bro get the fuck out of this site an go route for the NIT...
Michigan State is obviously going to kick the shit out of Kansas like we did last year....3 times. And the Big East is so fucking overrated its rediculous. Atleast we dont have to cheat to get good players either, kentucky, because we have the most dominant basketball team of the decade according to ESPN, weve gone to the final four 5 times in the last 11 years AND we have the best mascot in the nation. Having a bro ass coach like Tom Izbro helps too. Also, purdue is nothing without Robbie Hummel. Only little bitches get hurt and dont play. Kinda like that bro hater Tyler Hansborough
Bro-ya Saxa, you are right on the mark. If we hadn't been put in Kansas' AND Evan Turner's Region, we'd probably be making another run to the Final Four. Meanwhile, those fags at Duke got the easiest fucking draw in the history of 1 seeds...yet they'll probably still find a way to lose to Baylor/Nova/Louisville.
ya big bro jeezy it's really cool that the hicks from missouri burned lawrence in an effort to keep slavery going. Man slavery is so cool isn't it? Find some maturity and realize your state was/is a disgrace to this great country. As for the tourney KU will show it's dominance one again. As for coach slime ball (calipari) he has yet to be to a final 4 and if he finally reaches one this year I have no doubt that it will also be taken away and will keep him at 0 final fours. He belongs in the nba, he is a disgrace to the great game of college basketball. Rock chalk jayhawk
btw ron mexi bro are you also ron mexico on rivals.com message boards?
Big Bro Nation, you are absolutely correct. The University of Kentucky has the most wins, the best fans, and the hottest fucking slam pieces. What other school fills up a 24,000 seat arena for an exhibition game? No one. UK is the shit and will always be the shit. Also, Coach Cal has never been brought up for cheating. It's not his fault that Derrick Rose got ruled ineligible AFTER the season was over. Everyone would have fucking played him, he was ruled eligible before the season. And, Darnell Jackson was ruled ineligible after Kansas' nation championship season but no one decided to take their wins away. Its called fucking favoritism. Just go on and hate on UK, but after we win Number 8, everyone in Big Blue Nation will be celebrating like no one else can. Dont let me forget the hottest college basketball fan ever, Ashley Judd. She was a sorostitute back in her day too. Best fans in the nation, no doubt. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH C-A-T-S CATS CATS CATS!!!
All you wannabros out there who are thinking that your school is the best this time of year need to chill the hell out (cough cough kansas...) although march madness is a time honored bro tradition everybody knows football season is brotorious for being the best and only true college sport. so all you dudes who are going to the hawk or the ranch or munching some tight wheel pizza (props) need to shut the hell up with the shit talking and just enjoy, all the hottest girls in kansas are from Texas anyways. love march madness and my bracket will destroy all yalls but i keep it real with football.
sex, drugs, and broness
Georgetown is actually the heart of the bro world. Specifically, the players on the team are massive bros. I see them at the bars constantly and you'd better believe they are grinding on sluts.
Greg MonBro, (a #67 famous athlete) who I have a class with, almost never goes. He's a complete bro. And you can hear him on tv yelling "AND 1" on every body contact near the basket on shots of his own and his teammates. You know Bros invented that shit. God bless bros.
Fratrick Broneill, a true bro does not celebrate St. Patrick's day as it would interfere with his WASPiness. I'm American, I dont need some papist holiday to have an excuse to drink to excess.
Last year I was in Vegas, I went to a military college and we had a weird ass spring break schedule, it just so happened to begin on the 2nd day of the 1st round. I immediately hit the sports book after checking into planet hollywood. My best friend, we will call him GI BRO(he is currently dominating some Taliban's face in afghanistan with his .50 cal) made the mistake of blowing 3/4 of his money by our first night there. I said dont worry about it, give me the rest of your money, I took his $400 and $400 of my money and turned that shit into $2000 on some expertly planned parlays (Michigan State and Syracuse what up). Then we proceeded to bang some chicks from Colorado U., after which I continued drinking blacked out, woke up playing roulette with $100 on red, you know that shit landed on red. I took my money and went and got a drunken massage somewhere at like 6 in the morning
fucking great post bro, march madness is the greatest event in the sporting world. nothing could compare to waking up at 12:30 after the roughest st. patty's day of my life and turning the tv on to non-stop college basketball all day long.
There is nothing more bro then setting fire to your couch after winning the title
on behalf of all catholic bros out there i would like to give a big fuck you to ted
Hoyas are definitely not bros anymore.
I feel your pain, but you will never be a WASP.
Ted has a point, Bros are waspy as shit. The Pope is like the epitome of brohaterdom. The only thing the Catholic church has ever been right about is that women aren't good for shit... except for getting slammed.
Also, Rock Chalk Brohawk... fuck Mizzou
"have you seen Cole Aldrich? Total Bro, got his teeth knocked out and was like "fuck it, I can still slay as many slam pieces as I want and I look like a fucking badass." Bro King"
Are you fucking serious? Aldrich is ugly as shit, and looks like something from a horror film. Remember, bros are fuckin good looking. I picked three upsets in the first day and you better fuckin believe I got them all right. Greg Monroe is not a bro, because a bro would not lose to a 14 seed. Bros are the shit and we always win. God Bless bros, and God Bless you NYB. Another classic post.
yea Bros dont get upset. also....to all the people that picked UTEP in the sweet 16....you are retarded...go butler.
Every true bro knows that Duke is the fucking shit. They are the best team in the NCAA. Bro haters think john wall and his pussycats r good. I hate it everytime so kentucky fan says something stupid like kentucky is good.
Kentucky is a joke. They go beat by a weak Tennessee team and they have no experience. They can not play defense.
MY boys from Duke r raw go devils
Picked Hampton over Iowa St when I was like 10 fucking years old. You best believe I still brag about that shit.
Sparty On motherfucks
I would like to apologize for over reacting to Ted but what he said still pisses me off. Just because somebody is Catholic or some other religion doesn't mean they follow all the rules exactly. I sure as hell don't. By definition a WASP is Protestant, and there are a lot of bro hating rules in those religions too. And if you don't think Catholics can be bros you've obviously never been to Georgetown, Boston College, Villanova, or Loyola Maryland.
First of all st patricks day is a day Irish bro haters invented to try and act like they are half as cool as America and we all know that's bull shit. Second of all UK is the fucking shit we have slam pieces everywhere on campus and they love bros. All you Georgetown fans can now shut the hell up because you all lost to fucking Ohio a 14 seed. Me andy bros just left panama city beach and were getting slam pieces by just saying we were from UK.
All you people hating on calipari are obviously just jealous. Rick bitchtino is not a fucking bro he has the gayest job in college basketball and he wears suits that make guy gays hit on him. Great post march madness is the shit!
Calipari was in the final two years ago... You're obviously not a bro if you don't keep up with march madness. Go UK and John Wall is the shit! UK has five star players that don't even start or play (john hood). Good stuff bros God bless all bros
NYB,
Epic post like always. Only problem...the word woman was spelled with a capitol W. We all know that they don't deserve that. And by the way Calipari is a hood rat loving shitbag. Fuck UK.
John Calipari is a piece of shit human being who belongs on the Jersey Shore sucking on The situations nutsack. Normally this is not the site to talk about integrity but he has none all he does is go to the ghetto and finds criminals and buys them cars like a piece of shit. Cheaters never prosper and he'll never win the whole thing. Take that gel out of your hair and go back to Italy, this is America, cheating is only cool if you do it to a girl, if not youre a lazy f*** who disrespects your father's good name (#14 whatup). I know this goes against #65, and if I get labeled a non-bro for that then you can all kiss my hairy white ass.
1.) Hating on St. Patrick's Day is like slapping God in the face. I'm not saying it's THE best bro-holiday, but only bro-haters would pretend to be above such a glorious day.
2.) Much WASP love but some of the greatest bros of all time: JFK, the Boondock Saints, the population of Boston, and others happened to be Catholic. Just like how all bros aren't white or ripped to shit (DOFF), not all bros are Protestant.
Oh yeah, and March Madness is still the fuckin' shit.
bros im dru\nk as shitsa ive been drinkn tath natty light all day, this post is legit. laxer bros are the shit. so is march madness
brosifer of brazintin,
tits n beer
anyone who has a problem with calipari taking kids out of the hood is a bro-hater...bros have adopted so many black pasttimes...un-protected sex, smoking weed (more importantly dutches), drinking fourties, throwback jerseys, reppin ur city with a fresh new era mlb cap...the list goes on but the fact that john wall plead guilty to breaking and entering is bro as shit...with all of that said....FUCK KU...GO EERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God i love being a bro. woke up this morning hammered as shit (obvi), pounded 3 beers chased by some cointtreau, one of the 7 bottles of liquor stolen from rich neighbors party (also stole the service aka 50yr old bitch my bro got dome from who has kids older than us, some pair of fat tits witha decent looking face and dumb blonde bitch crying about God knows what), fucking murdered and talked shit to 8year olds on Call o' Duty, im gettin kinda hungry should i order a pizza? probly, but as i grab anotra beer out the fridge i see the best thing outside that pair of tits all weekend, in my sheer and utter genius yesterday i bought a Publix 8piece fried chicken aka some of the best fucking food on the planet. seeing as how i cant talk shit and fucking murder children while eating said chicken i am forced to watch tv, collegebasketball? fuck that kentucky is taking it anyways, the third best thing God created aka Victoria Secret Fashion Show. Jesus Fucking Christ, nothing is more better than stolen liquor with Publix fried chicken with the fucking Victoria Secret Fashion Show. actually the only thng better is slow-fucking-mo-ing the good parts aka tits jiggling. so good so good so good. God i love being a bro.
If you are a bro in the south or even when I usd to live in the midwest, drinking fourties, throwback jerseys, and "reppin your city with a fresh new era mlb cap" IS NOT BRO, sounds like a damn whigger. People drink fourties because they are too poor to afford a normal beer (not bro). Breaking and entering is not bro. Ive been through enough #53 to qualify 5 or 6 bro's for bro-status, therefore I am not even angry you referenced me as a Bro-Hater because it is such a ridiculous notion.
@ Ted shut the fuck up, sluggin forties is the shit. you obviously have never heard of one of the best drinking games, edward 40hands. same goes for mlb hats - pussy juices start flowing the moment your crew enters the bar decked out in vintage lacoste polos, backwards mlb hats, and mid top nba socks with the frsh AF1s. back to the 40s, beer is beer, and id rather spend 7$ on 3 40s = about 10-12 beers then 5-7$ for a sixer
I am SO pumped so see john calipari's illiterates play cornell. That is literally the exact opposite of the spectrum in college education and it's fucking hilarious. I hope it is a sick game and one of Cornell's big white goons throws it down over John Wall. Nothin like march madness, beers, basketball, bitches. MARCH MADNESS.
I never lose my bracket pool because I'm a fucking bro and bro's never pick against Michigan State. Bros were pissed when Kansas lost because we had Michigan State beating them. Sparty on fuckers. MSU represent
playing a drinking game is one thing, yes I played edward 40 hands before. come down to Charleston, SC or Savannah, GA or any other classical southern city and see what happens when you show up wearng af1's and midtop socks, and backwards hats with the bill unbent. Where did you prep at? you sound like you went to a public school for high school.
guess its forgiveable if your a southern bro, not really in tune with their style, and I'm a masshole, went to governor's academy '04
Ted do us a favor and drink bleach if you don't rock mid-calfs or bro accessories like fitteds.
http://www.broslikethissite.com/2009/05/22-ankle-socks.html
the only time I ever wore mid-calfs was when I played Lacrosse. I normally don't even wear socks choosing to rock topsiders or rainbows except when at the gym or running I rock ankle socks. I do understand the difference in bro gear in different geographical areas. I grew up in Indianapolis, went to college in Charleston, SC and now live in Charleston. I know some things that wouldn't fly up in the midwest fly down here and vice-versa. I'm still having trouble dealing with the nerd comb-over haircuts down here amongst bros. I think the important thing to remember is that our fathers are important as shit, we love slaying slam pieces, getting black out, being in mad good shape, and being better than everyone else. I love being a bro.
All bros know that copying the customs of black dudes has been a pretty big part of bro customs. But purposely dressing like the dude from malibu's most wanted would get ur ass stomped in the south because no self respecting southern bro would ever copy somebody else because bros are superior at birth! Bro on, and my pick is Syracuse v. Duke. Duke wins it!
The most bro style of hat is "The Game". You know what I'm talking about.
Ted...you should know by now that bros are the smartest people in the world. We know that drinking forties is not only awesome, but also the cheapest way to buy beer. Therefore, you can buy more, and get even more wasted.
What is all this bro-hater talk about being frugal? Bros are so fucking rich they never need to buy malt liquor. Bros smash fratty light when watching Bro Madness, too. The only time it is ever acceptable is during Brotherhood Events such as Mo' Thugs where calf-highs, swishers, throwbacks, and steel reserve are a must. Bro only basketball tournaments are the shit. So many fucking wannabros on this site it's rediculous.
Yea I know Bro's are smart as shit thats why I didnt have Kansas in my final 4 and all of my final 4 is still intact. Sorry Rock Chalk Brohawks, about the Kansas comment, I do agree with everything you had to say in your comment.
espn analysts are all bro-haters. They can't seem to understand that us bros who are slamming pieces day in and day out still manage to kick their asses in March Madness brackets every year. Then they push it aside because they are too much of pussies to admit bros are the fucking einstein's of sports
Ted, if you read the comments you would know that #22 ankle socks is the only post on this site where the otherwise bro-hero NYB gets disagreed with. Gotta read the comments bro.
Although we all adore our token black guy, Cornell is pretty bro.
A. They're smart as shit
B. They're all tall and bros love being tall
C. They're in the Sweet 16 so they're obviously badass at basketball
D. Their dads are rich as shit paying for an Ivy League educations
E. They can dunk. Dunking is the shit, whether on a 7.5 or a 10, dunking is totally bro.
Come draft time don't forget to do a post about it. True bro's watch the NFL draft so they can start scouting out their fantasy teams as early as possible
Last Saturday, my hometown Butler Bulldogs secured a spot in the final four. I had to celebrate in true bro fashion. I could a handle with one of my best bros, then headed to a concert. After shootin the shit with some cops, I went into the show, threw up in my seat, then went to grind on some slam pieces. After the concert, I headed to a frat to party. I don't remember anything from the concert on, but I woke up with some slut in my bed. Fucked her then delivered back to the frat. excellent night
Hell yea, Miller, Im from Indy too. Ive been watching Butler games since I was 6, dont live their anymore but Im stoked as shit for tonight
R.I.P. JOHN WOODEN, A TRUE BRO KING.
Every few years Bros are blessed with the ultimate holiday: march madness starts on St. Pattys
Bro Nation (4th post from the top)
I gotta say, kickass defending of your beloved Kentucky. I don't like or dislike them, but a true bro has to give credit where credit's due. Good post.
And to all the Junior Bros bitching about no St. Patty's post ON THE DAY OF, NYB was probably doing something like me, playing beerpong at 6.30am in downtown Savannah, stretching his liver for a long day of Irish hydration; not sitting at a damn computer writing a post. For feck's sake!
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