There are many things that make bros better than bras. Driving, having rational thoughts, and being able to drink alcohol without crying immediately come to mind. But perhaps one of the greatest differences between the sexes and what adds a lot of support to the natural law that men are the superior gender is the way bros and bras celebrate their birthdays.
Let's take a look at your typical celebration for a girl. First of all, you better fucking know the date of the birthday or you're some sort of asshole. Well excuse me your majesty, but remembering shit like the day of your birth is pointless and takes up way too much space in my brain. I need that space for much more important things - like the starting lineup for the '91 Orioles. Needy bitch. So, once you've figured out the actual date, that's not enough. Girls don't have happy hours to celebrate their birth where everyone gathers and maybe just signs a card. No - girls demand a fucking production, and if they don't get one, expect to see the waterworks. Bras don't have birthdays. They have birth months. Everyone and their fucking mother better write "Happy Birthday!!!" on their facebook wall, and if they don't they will most likely be de-friended. By having the most wallposts on your birthday, it means that you are much less likely to die alone/have to settle for some guy you met on Match.com who cries himself to sleep after sex. So, what makes a bro birthday so much better?
Getting Laid - If you can't get laid on your birthday, either you clearly aren't trying or haven't hit puberty yet. The best thing about the birthday slaying is that it doesn't even have to be your birthday to pull off the line. Just tell the sluts at the bar any day of the year that it's your birthday. Then if they say they don't believe you and want to see your ID, just show it to them. Since they are girls, there's like a 50% chance they can't even read anyways. Not to mention the fact that driver's licenses typically don't contain the words "disinfectant" or "Pine Sol" aka typical girl reading material.
Only One Matters - With every passing year, a girl's birthday aka menopause countdown must be treated as a bigger deal than the one prior. For bros, there is only one year that has any sort of meaning whatsoever. "NYB, you must be referring to the age of 30 when all bros must settle down, right?" Fuck no dipshit, why would you settle down when your future wife is only 8 years old? Fucking sicko. I'm fucking talking about one of the greatest events in any bro's life. His 21st birthday. Just say those words to any bro and his head will immediately tilt back as his eyes roll up and he exclaims, "Bro, I got SOOOO fucked up on my 21st." Every bro has a story about just how fucked up he got. This always revolves around how many drinks he pounded. Bros always have at least 21 drinks on their 21st and if you don't, then you're a fucking bitch. The more drinks over 21, the more fucking bro points you earn. Your 21st birthday is also the only time it is socially acceptable amongst the bro community to get your stomach pumped. Imagine being able to claim you drank so much on your 21st that you were declared legally dead for a couple minutes? How fucking awesome would you be? Fucking Bro King!
Monday, October 12, 2009
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Bros love to puff on some #74 Tabacco on their 21st's as well. A few fine stogies on the porch of the bro-pad is a long-standing bro tradition.
If you're smoking some R&J's, you're a fucking broser. Thick-cut Cohiba cigars are a must for any bro birthday.
bros 21st was last night: 4 strike outs(hit of a bowl, shot of whisky and chug a beer, then exhale) in a matter of 20 minutes, 9 beer bongs and opened a frat tab at the bar to order countless shots.
bros love bros 21st birthdays
On my 21st I took 42 shots and made it through the night without vommitting. I am a bodybuilder and 6'6, 310 though. Despite my size, I am proud.
On my 21st I ripped 27 shots of jagger from our jagger machine (obvious bro purchase) I got kicked out of the first bar I went to the second I walked in by some bro-hater bouncer who said "You are too drunk son"...What? Who the fuck are you to judge how drunk I am? I am a bro therefore I have never reached a stage dubbed "too drunk" ... anywho we went back to the brolodge and called up some sloots... i woke up next to some random covered in puke (victory sauce) holding a wooden sword and shield.... god i love being a bro
Jeff Ballard
Glenn Davis
Mike Devereaux
Dwight Evans
Sam Horn
Bob Melvin
Randy Milligan
Billy Ripken
Cal Ripken, Jr.
Craig Worthington
The '91 O's were all Bro Kings.
The 21st birthday is also the only birthday you can not get sex and not get made fun of, because you were too busy fratting that you were at the hospital. Then again only the real bro king can get so hammered that he goes to the hospital, and then proceede to bang his nurse
Birthdays are the shit. Speaking of birthdays, check out how this KU student celebrated his 21st this past Saturday night. Unbelievable amount of bro points headed his way. Read the article dont watch the video because the bitch in the video is pretty fat and ugly and a bro hater
http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2009/oct/11/man-arrested-after-commandeering-ambulance/
The only time it is acceptable to not get laid on your birthday... when you get arrested. My 19th I rolled a golf cart into the lobby of our dorm and when the door alarm went off (the golf cart was stuck in the door) my bro and i said fuck it, this shits making it through. 20 minutes later after we'd woken up the entire dorm and our campus security was their (Since its ghetto ass USC they carry guns n shit and can arrest you), we were still pushing this fucking thing.
After a couple of fuck yous to the dipshit ex-LAPD fuckhead and an infamous response to "son have you done coke tonite?" "yes sir, jack and coke" I was stuck in the drunk tank for the rest of the night. And i dont remember any of this, caz my goal was 19 shots and i fucking did it.
Mike Devereaux, what a hero. He has to be the only brother from Wyoming with a French name.
The only thing that can compare to a Bro’s own 21st birthday is another Bro’s 21st. Because this time, you’re calling the shots. Bro’s get fucked up. Everyone knows this. The 21st birthday, however, is the only time that a Bro may get fucked up exclusively on Three Wisemans, tequila shots that have been microwaved, and drinks where Tabasco is a main ingredient. If you manage to be the malignant mother fucker to buy the nastiest shot of the entire 21st you totally earn Bro points. If said shot makes said Birthday Bro puke, you’re on the road to Bro king status for sure. Am I wrong? Didn’t think so Chauncey.
The other best part about celebrating a 21st is that you get to celebrate it twice. Every Bro worth his heartbeat spent at least the final minute of his miserable 20th year of life staring at a clock, drink in hand, waiting for midnight. What happens at midnight? You better fucking know. That drink gets slammed down the gullet that’s what happens. Later some Slam Piece will have a similar experience with her gullet. Who else besides Bros celebrate their birthday night twice in 24 hours? Fucking no one. I love being a Bro.
Scott BROsius, the true Bro KING
i showed this to my slam peice and she said what the hell is this?! i smacked the bitch and said this is fucking science!
My 21st i pregamed hard then left for a bar at midnight. the bouncer didn't let me in the bar cause i was too drunk and wearing a helmet. My older brother found me in the hallway of my dorm at 4:30am with my pants around my ankles.
great post. bitches fuckin suck.
I dont have any stories from my 21st birthday only because I was so blacked out I dont remember any of it (my bros have plenty though form that night). And I agree with Frat King that its one of the only times where it is acceptable not to get laid because you either ended up in the hospital or close to it.
So I was just at the pub because my bro (at least I thought at the time) dragged me there for his 21st birthday. So he say's "I just want to have a beer and I'll go out tomorrow to make up for it". Naturally I say sure (in my mind I'm thinking no fucking way in hell he’s getting FUCKED UP). So we get there and I order him two shots one for him (class at 2)one for me (need to be up at 8). He then refuses to take it like a little bitch and we ended up giving the shots to a BRA at the next table who was celebrating her 21st like a...well bro (weird). Anyways the moral of the story is, if anyone loves and quotes this website on a regular basis (like the, at one time bro, now time bitch did) please back it up and celebrate your 21st like a real Bro by taking every shot you get handed, puking in the bar, pissing the bed, and waking up in the morning next to a slam piece.
PS: this was directed at first name-John, last name-BITCH
So its my birthday right now- this bro doesnt fuck around tho, i have been partying for a week straight. the good thing about my group of bros is that we have a non-drinker (hes a fake bro, fuck him) and he remembers everything for us. i love it coz he high fives me the next day (everyone knows bros love to high five) and tells me what ever rampages i may have participated in the night before.
my bros rock
P.S fuck bitches
fellow bros,
check out the group "brocabulary" on facebook.
its fucking ill. its basically words with bro in them like alexander BROvechkin and bilBRO Baggins. if you dont join it your probably a bro-hater.
dont be a bro-hater
-Broseidon King of the Brocean
I'm so bro, NYB came to my 21st.
I swear, the next time a bra tells me it's her "half birthday", im going to cunt punt her. I dont care if it's your real birthday, much less exactly six months from your birthday.
I was so ripped on my 21st, I at one point started walking across the street with no regard for my well-being whatsoever and almost got hit by a NYC cab. Good times.
not only was I pronounced dead for a couple minutes, it wasn't even my birthday and I was 17 at the time, sure I knew pounding a bottle of cheap ass whiskey would fuck me up, and eventually make me stop breathing but I'm a bro so that obviously didn't stop me, what I'm not supposed to get shit faced cuz it was "parent's weekend"? fuck those bro-haters, I earned my bro king crown that day and I'm damn proud of it
I pregamed all afternoon on the day before my 21st.. never ate dinner and hit the bar just before midnight on the night of my birthday. My bros and slam pieces alike were obviously buying me constant shots. At about 1am I was blackout as shit, so the rest of this night's story came from my bros.
After several more hours of raging aka free shots, shoutouts from the band, white bags, and jumping into the Charleston bay, we somehow ended up climbing trees in the local park. Certain it was no problem for me to soar like an eagle at that point, I jumped from a 25 foot branch and landed awkwardly in a pile of mud, fracturing a lumbar in my vertebrae. That's right I broke my back on my 21st and went to the hospital for 3 days and wore an intense Robo-Cop style back-brace for 3 months after that.
That was 2 years ago and now I'm perfectly fine. People tell me I'm lucky to be alive but I know that's bullshit because true Bro Kings can't ever be stopped from their raging nature. I haven't heard many 21st birthday stories that have topped mine so, bros, here's to pushing it to the absolute limit on the 21st.
today is my birthday. Last night i celebrated and hooked up with this fine ass slampiece. Once saying its your birthday it's a done deal. Slampieces love hooking up with bros on their birthday
bday today, celebrated the weekend in definite bro fashion. pregamed hard with a few cases, rockstar vodkas, bottle of henney, and tequila shots. went to the bar and had my boys drop over $400, then picked up 2 gorgeous slams and brought em back. started drinking at noon the next day when we got out of bed and played a round of poker. dinner consisted of ravioli straight out of the can and a couple smokes. my bro Foss drove my truck to the bar hammered and dropped bills on champagne. obviously picked up copious women, and had the bday blowjob in the bathroom from some blond chick while all the bros in the bathroom clapped and cheered. obviously drove home drunk off my ass after chillin with the bouncers after close. ran so many stop signs and reds the cops had to stop by and wish me a happy bday and pretend like they wanted to arrest me. bros only get arrested when they want to.
age 18 up here for alberta bros where everything good is so god damn expensive... booze dip smokes
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