It’s Friday night. You and your bros are sitting around watching American Gladiators on ESPN Classic trying to figure out what to do tonight. Some girls you know were supposed to be throwing a party, but for some reason they cancelled, probably because one of them had an abortion. You could hit the bar, but you’ve been there the past three nights and you’re pretty sure the bouncer is not going to let you in since you #36 peed off the balcony onto the crowded outdoor patio last night. You start to text people to see what they are up to, and everyone has the same response – “Party on Cullen.” So looks like it’s an easy decision, right? Wrong. You’ve known about this party for a while, 10 kegs and Jungle Juice, but even though you are a bro you didn’t get the invite. Unfortunately, one of the bro-haters that lives there does not like you. You’ve tried to explain to him that it was an honest mistake, but to this point he’s been completely irrational. Not only did you not know it was his girlfriend, but it wasn’t until after you had mopped up with the pillowcase that you realized it was his bed. At first you were hesitant, but you’ve pounded 12 brews and got your big guy to roll with you. Fuck it – it’s time to crash this fucking party.
It’s hard to believe that a bro would not be welcome somewhere, but unfortunately, even after the life works of such bro-life activists such as John Daly, brocism still exists in society today. Together, bros must rise above this bro-hatred and personally, I can’t think of a better way to do so than crashing a party. Bros fucking love crashing parties nearly as much as Black guys love below average looking White chicks (e.g. Lamar Odom.) So how does a bro act when he finally crashes the party?
Alcohol – In the non-bro world, a party begins with an eVite touting “Come celebrate Tammy’s job promotion!!” Everyone responds, usually with some shitty canned response like, “I’ll raise a glass to that!!” God non-bros want to make me vomit. Anyways, the point is, if you are not invited and still show up, the polite thing to do is bring your own alcohol. Bros are not polite. Why the fuck would you bring sand to the beach? Not only do bros not bring anything to contribute, but they fucking punish everything in sight. Bros immediately crowd around the keg to get to the point where if there is an altercation with the host, they will have no problem telling their big guy to beat his fucking ass. Also, no matter the brand of beer at the party, bros will make comments about how cheap the host is for buying it. This makes girls want to bang you.
Making It Known – While most people will quietly try to blend in to the party, hoping no one realizes they don’t belong, bros fucking tell everyone and their mother. “Yeah, the fucking host of this party hates me because last time I was here I took a dump in his shower” or “This guy’s not happy I’m here since last year when we put his sister's picture and phone number on Craig’s List hookers.” Crashing a party not only is cool as shit, but it makes you dangerous. You know who loves danger? That’s right – fucking slam pieces.
Taking Over – There’s a reason you and your boys are bros: you fucking dominate every place you go. Sooner of later, the bro hater hosting the party is likely to find you, but don’t worry, by this point you have already taken over the entire party. Through well-timed USA #4 chants, convincing slam pieces you actually care about the things they have to say, and showing off your keg stand abilities, everyone at the party has started to worship you. That’s when the bro hater piece of shit tries to kick you out. Wrong fucking move. If you can get the host of the party kicked out of his own party – you sir, are a fucking bro king. The closest we ever got was a couple years ago at a quiet Christmas party we decided to crash. Within an hour we were smashing Christmas ornaments on the kitchen floor and screaming “Mazel Tov!” Within 10 minutes the floor was covered with glass shards and we went back to tending the keg. When we brought some girls back to the kitchen to show them how fucking awesome we were, all the ornaments were cleaned up. We were angry. “Who cleaned this shit up?!?!” my bro's sister screamed. “I did you fucking bitch,” replied the boyfriend of a girl who actually lived in the house. Big mistake. We all got into his face screaming about how you don’t disrespect women (obviously lying) and within a few seconds he was being pushed down the stairs and got fucking kicked out. For cleaning up our smashed ornaments. As one of the hosts cried, we laughed, gave each other high fives, and got back to pounding drinks. God I fucking love being a bro.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
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Just when I think you couldn't get any stupider, you go ahead and post this and.... totally redeem yourself!
Anyways, crashing parties fuckin rules. I've been doing this shit forever with my bros. We just show up, take over, trash the place, pound slam pieces, and then leave just to do it again.
Taking over bars in the city is fun too- until the bro hater bouncers kick you out. Those fags.
Example: If you're in my town and want to have a party and you're a bro hater, try it. Next thing you know... SMASH!!! What's that noise? It's me and my bros! We just crashed your party, motherfucker!
we know theres no such thing as a bro from South Dakota
Crashing parties is the shit. "we all got in his face screaming about how you dont disrespect women (obv lying)" god i love bros.
Anonymous hater faggot. Bros come from all over the nation and this Earth. Crashing parties is the shit. One time me and my boys showed up rolling like 20 deep to this sor-ostitutes house for some day drinking after they had made it clear they had only invited like 4 of us. Fuck that. We were going to cause a ruckus. Less than two hours into it and our guys are dancing on tables, shirts off, grinding on bitches, swinging broom handles and mobs like fuckin' light sabers, and falling through windows. I also lost this girl's lizard when I chucked a full beer and this bitch didn't catch it so it crashed through the glass. Stupid bitch. She was a fat fucking softball player not my fault I thought she could catch. Their landlord came by the next day because we had absolutely trashed the front yard and wrote a bill for like $1000 to the bitches that lived there.
I'm pretty sure anything from south dakota would be considered the anti-bro
TSU Bulldog -
Dancing on tables with your shirts off sounds very un bro, this is broslikethissite not guidoslikethissite. Sounds like a cool party too with fat softball chicks and you and your nerd friends pretending brooms are light sabers. Let me know where the next rager is at so I make sure not to crash it and run into you tools.
gettin nice on brews at barneys today.
ihsv
we can all agree south dakota has no bros, but the real thing is knowing your so rich even if break shit it will never effect you.HAHAHA fucking poor people.
NYB, idea for a post--
calling people fags and arguing about whether or not someone is a bro.
(ie pretty much all the comments here)
You sir (Ned's Younger Brother) are a God-King among men. Keep spreading this around. As for the bro-haters...truth hurts fuckers. Don't like what he has to say? Don't fucking read it
The Lamar Odom reference was a fantastic touch, but please don't let him represent the average black guys taste in white girls. We know much better, he's an anomaly. Great post.
Have you ever been to South Dakota? It's bro city. I'm talking nothing but drinking and driving- and driving fast as shit. Parties everywhere you look with horny slam pieces who are always down to pound- and they are fuckin hot! The cities here are awesome. I think everyone over looks this place because of location- which is a huge mistake. I grew up in SoCal and chose to move to South Dakota after college- best choice I ever made. So much fun living her, I couldn't imagine anything better. So everyone who talks shit on South Dakota is just ignorant and hasn't even visited. Give it a chance, it is the best party place I've ever seen and like I said- I'm from SoCal and went to Spring Break every yr of college. Nothing compares to South Dakota parties! Nothing!
another amazing post.
favorite line was about hating on everything (especially the beer) the host provided.
I always like to call out the piece of shit pong table. its always too small and too homo. you show up and some bro-haters are talking about how they just ran 5 games striaght, then you find out it was 6 cup on a 4 foot Lifetime table against bras. no bro-hater has a better pong table/pong ability than a bro, and often you dont crash other bros parties so this is a classic "fuck a bro-hater" moment.
Best move at this point is to move their couch out of your way...stand 15 feet from the table (while they lean) and skunk them. While they are running around their own house naked your pounding brews (becuase bro-haters dont hit cups) and taking their bras
Bros-
There has been a lot of hate going on. Talking shit to fellow bros over the internet is a pussy move for bitches. You might as well go play world of warcraft. If you want to talk shit go get fucked up and start a fight with some random bro hater at a bar/party. This site is about embracing broness, and sharing stories of getting fucked up and slaying hoes. Let's keep the bro moral high and stop tearing fellow bros down.
It's rediculous that bros dont get invited to every party. Hence party crashing is a necessity in an evil, bro-hating world.
-brohope
Fuck south Dakota
this website is the shit. I am so glad to know that there are so many other bromosapiens out there and yes, crashing parties is the absolute shit. I was out last weekend drunk as shit at a party that me my brotourage went to uninvited, saw this bangin slam piece and of course she was with her bhbf (bro hater boyfriend) and i ended up using his camera to make him take mad pics of her and i while he was holding my jacket. It was glorious. Plus she tagged them on facebook, again using his camera. He should've known he stood no chance against a bro.
WTF North Dakota bro? You have a great state too, but South Dakota has better partying! It's bro time all the time in SD!
My grandpa met my grandma because he crashed a party. Being a bro is in my fucking blood.
Fuck north and south dakota... i went to usd bc it was cheap as shit... no slam pieces just fat farm girls who know how to suck a dick... but out east straight d.c. region is bro central... the parties in south dakota are straight hicks who drink and fuck farm animals
703NOVA,
You could not be more wrong. I've been to DC many times to party- tons of my bros from college live there. It's always a great time, but nothing compares to South Dakota parties. You can ask my bros that live all over the country now. They love coming to visit, shit... 2 even moved here. 1 from Atlanta & 1 from NYC. The parties and nightlife here is amazing!
As a bro, I highly recommend that each of you visit South Dakota. It will be the best time of your life.
Badgerbro,
thank you for bringing that topic up. As a bro, I love and respect all of u for being a bro and I can't stand to see fellow bros get their panties in a bind and hate on other bros.
South Dakota calm down. I'm really happy u have a shit ton of fun there. I think every bro here feels his college experience is unmatchable and wouldn't change it for the world. In Florida I see titties year round, and when ur football/basketball teams win 4 national championships in ur undergrad career u see shit you can't find any other
place.
Go gators and go bros
Gator Bro... no doubt on the Pong table. Bro-Haters are always playing and leaning when shooting on their bitch ass tables. Word of advice...never play pong at Ramapo college...bro hater central. Me and my bro ran game, took all their money and slam pieces, and started fights w/ everyone in their house... hilarious, but full of haters.
The best way to crash a party is to bring more bros that the party has. Then before the hosts know what has happened you have pounded all the brew dogs, taken the slam pieces and stolen shit.
Hell yea this reminds me of the good ol' Rutgers days. Me and my bro would roll into the party and when the bro-haters started grilling we'd be like "Nah it's cool, we're with Gerald". Not too many Geralds out there, but when we hit it, it was guaranteed.
After getting in, it was time to get everyone to do keg stands and become the bro-kings of the party.
You know you were the bro-king of a party when the bro haters and bras you left behind when you left with a slampiece call you to come back because its boring
Randy Bross here.. Off the subject of crashing parties, but NYB u need a post soon about Habro or also known as Halo. Bros fucking love Habro because they love killing shit. Is there a better feeling than sitting around with some bros while u blast some brews and kill some pussy kids while talking shit to them thru the headset about your going to slay their mommy with cock later in the night? Fuck no! Unless u are fucking some dime ass slam piece that's always right on point too.
Neds younger Brother,
your accuracy in describing bro culture is always spot on. I had a similar experience, this unchill broser was throwin down hard last summer proboally 300 heads nine tables of ruit goin. Fortunately for me i had punched out a window in his house in drunken rage several months prior, but i didnt give a fuck because i was doin him a favor making him put a new piece of glass in and makin him fix up his dusty low roller crib. Anyway i got word of this little get together, and did not think twice about attending. I hit up the bros, and a couple slam pieces grabbed six or seven racks from the basement and pounded some jd before driving over. After arriving with the brotourage with slam pieces following close behind, this bro-hater tried to turn us away. I reminded him of my wealth by dropping a note on his poor ass for the broken window, (but mostly for the shock and awe effect on the slam pieces of having no bill smaller than a 50). At the same time some fellow brosefs got word that some superchill bro rolled up with an additional six racks and was down to chill. The unchill bro-hater who was trying to prohibit my entry was pushed into his own pool by two stranger bros who wanted next on the table with the bro who had brought mad brew. Needless to say, if this had not happened i would have laid out the bro-hater at his own party, because that kind of shit gets slam pieces mad wet. The moral of the story fellow bros is a) do not fuck with a bro and his crew and b)do not stand between thirsty bros and a rack of miller.
HABRO? NO!
Bros don't play video games. Ever. Why? Because bros are not fucking d-bags, you dipshit. Motherfuckin nerd!
South Dakota Bro-
whats good kid
stop trying to pretend like you know whats good. Let me tell you why you are not a bro, Lets begin with the fact that you proboally live near or on a farm. Sounds whack kid. Second your parents do not rake in the cash therefore making you unchill and definately not a bro. Let me guess the amount of lacoste/polo shirts you have, 0? o word. American Eagle is not chill, and by wearing a popped eagle polo you are being a bro-hater. Third, the only slam pieces in south dakota are your relatives and the chicks you look at on the internet. Smoking meth does not make you a chill head, nor does it count towards getting fucked up on the reg. Finally you guys call beruit pong,showing your inept chillness. So broski, when you move to a chiller place hit me up and well see whats good
I would most definitely have to disagree with you South Dakota Bro. Pretty much every bro I know occasionally plays Madden, Halo, or any other bro video game. Of course, playing in excess is non-bro, but games like Madden and Halo, while pounding brews, combine Bros love for sports, fucking shit up, being competitive, and talking shit.
After NYB's first few posts, the majority are simply things that most bros do. The only catchall for bros is 1)getting fucked up on the reg
2) Slamming slampieces
3)Not giving a shit what other people think.
We need to make this the site the Brotopia that is alluded to in the Holy Broble, not a place where bros hate on fellow bros.
to: anyone that's posting comments on here crying about "why cant we all just get along?" or "stop being mean to your fellow bro, you go and be nice mister!!"
....you are all dicksuckers. bros dont give a shit if someone's feelings get hurt, nor do they care what anyone thinks about them, let alone give a flying fuck if someone talks shit on the Internet.
"oh, you're so tough talking shit over the Internet."
give me a break idiot, you've totally missed the entire point of this website. so fuck you if you dont like it. because if you dont like it, it means you're an overly-sensitive faggot.
go back to your jobs at Nordstrom's working behind the makeup counter, dicksuckers.
This is so awesome, bro. I love crashing parties and taking all the hot slam pieces that showed up with the losers who were invited, then ditching the slam pieces in the morning and going to bro out with my bros.
One question, though, why aren't there any pictures on this site? Like top 10 slam pieces, top 10 bro pads, etc. That would really bro this place out to the fullest.
Amen enzo
Halo is gay as shit but Madden is legit. Halo kids get fucking obsessed with that gay stuff. Everyone hates the kid at the party who is telling you the moving story about how he managed to hit someone on XBOX live from across the game map with a sticky grenade. Seriously, if you ever sat up late at night playing halo with your friends until 3am, there is a 100 percent chance you are a homo. Don't spend your nights dual wielding some fake ass guns on a video game, spend your nights dual wielding slampieces on your cock.
Pac Man Brones Out
fifa is clearly the biggest bro game ever. nothing is more chill than pregaming with fifa on and some sick tunes flowing, packing dips and talking shit.
Good call about the pictures Tebro.
On a side note, Tebow is a huge bro-hater and homo. he should not be allowed on this site in any way. Tebow is a fucking strait-arrow bro-hater who could get a thousand times the slampieces he gets and turns them down to do dumb shit like work, probably a homo.
Real football playing bros include Pacman Jones and Ricky Williams.
Brozilla, Not a good way to pick up chicks when you bring more bros to a party then the party all ready has. Thats called a sausagefest. Maybe you like that kind of thing.
nothin like crashin a party, stealin shit, breakin shit and drinkin all their brewskies. standard bro behavior.
piece of advice for all the non-bros (AKA Bro haters and brosers)... crashing parties is the shit, but make sure your team of brosers doesn't try to crash some real bros party. Bad choice. You will get publicly embarrassed, then your ass kicked, and will forever be humiliated any other time you encounter one of the bros again. Think before you act. I'm tired of throwin you fucking squares out of my house.
1. For taking about "how homo Halo is" you sure do know a lot of the terminology.....
2. Tebow is the biggest non-bro of all time. He is a virgin, does not drink, does not use drugs, gets jacked up by shitty players (i.e. DE from Kentucky), and spends his summers on mission trips. What about that is bro?
Pac Man Brones only knows some halo terms because unfortunately some of his old bros fell into the halo trap. Like I said they are former bros because after they spent their first years of college staying in at night to play gaylo and talking to their highschool sweethearts, they were demoted to bra status.
There is no doubt about it, Tebow is definitely a straight bro hater. Anyone who tries to argue otherwise probably just has a man crush on that gaytor.
Pac Man Brones Out
A) Please don't ever call a soccer video game the ultimate bro game..I laugh because that's funny.
B) No bro migrates from Socal to South Dakota, you must have been from Riverside. Slam Pieces in South Dakota? Hot chicks go to places with nice weather and places where they can get slammed by fucking bros..ASU,SDSU,FSU, etc..Please do not compare partying in SD with any of these universities..You already lost.
C)I could not stop laughing at the bro who dances on tables/shirt off with fat softball girls. He's probably from Long Island.
D) Bros talk shit; I am tired of listening to John Kerry (not a bro) wine about bro-hating.
E)Crashing parties is legit.
IHSV
Great post Brocaine
honestly if you even say the term 'so cal' you are a fucking tool and obviously didnt live out here. there is no reason in one's right mind to move away from the best state in the nation to fucking farmland and tons of snow. you may have fouled the poser "brohaters" who are living vicariously through their fantasy blog posts.
fight on!
Um I saw a post on here by Tim Tebro. Tim Tebow is NOT a bro.
He's a virgin, he doesn't party, and he performs circumcisions in his spare time.
The only thing worse than being a virgin is being gay, and the jury's obviously still out on Timmy.
Tim Tebow is the farthest thing from a bro. He's who we heckle for dancing shirtless on a bar with fat softball players and drinking Zima.
He probably doesn't even know what a slam piece is the fucking tool.
the mazel tov is a classic, and the christmas ornaments were a clutch call given the situation.
it works just as well at the bar with pint glasses too.
Don't forget to Ice the shit out of the house, this bro-hater and his mom will be on one knee chugging smirnoff for years
me and my boys crashed a Princeton University eating club the other weekend by what i think is the chillest way to crash and that is breaking in, the ass hole bouncer who was being a little bitch and wouldnt let us in cuz we were still in high school so we go around back and better fucking believe we kicked in that door and rock the shit out of that party end of the night i leave with a brand new beer helmet and some extra bucks for the bro bank to get some alize to take to the dome
Dear Trick nac daddy,
You are a meatgazer. Use periods in your sentences. Honestly bro, your making all of us real bros look like fucking retards. That shit's embarassing. Your post is seriously making me feel like Tom Cruise in Rainman. Also, quit making up stories. This Princeton eating club shit clearly never happened. Lastly, bros aren't rappers or small time crack dealers. We don't drink alize. Put your fucking training wheels back on.
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