#67 Famous Athletes

Ever since a young age, bros have idolized famous athletes. Growing up bros would watch every game that their favorite player played, write letters for their autographs, and most importantly, have a poster of him in their room. As time wore on, the posters of Cal Ripken, Jr., Shaquille O’Neal, and John Elway were replaced with much more bro-like posters such as #17 Swingers, John Belushi wearing a "College" shirt or those two hot dykes kissing in their underwear. Even though those old posters have been trashed, the love of famous athletes will live forever among bros. These are our heroes. I always get pissed off at Nationals games when people give the soldiers from Walter Reed Hospital a standing ovation yet barely even clap when Ryan Zimmerman gets up to the plate. Are you fucking serious? He’s got like 30 home runs this year! Guess how many the soldiers have hit. Try fucking zero. Show some respect. Anyways, what I’m getting at here is that the tradition of adulation bros once had as kids continues to this day. Now, bros can contact their favorite athletes at bars and around campus, and instead of getting some shitty “Edgar Martinez Fan Club” application in the mail – you get something much more valuable. Bro Points. Much like bras would beat in (think about it) if they ever found out they would get to hang out with a cast member from “The Hills,” bros get excited as shit if they find out one of their favorite players is at the same party. This is incredibly true at college campuses where 19 year olds are treated as heroes and saviors (as they should be.) Taking advantage of being on the same campus as these superstars is incredibly important during your four – six years at school.

Seeing Them – This is basically like being at a #45 Club where Lil Wayne is at just to say you saw him. Bros from other schools love to ask shit like, “Do you ever see any of the basketball players around campus?” Obviously you have, which gives you instant bro cred, but it also gives points to your bro for being able to tell his bros, “Yeah, my boy goes to Georgetown and sees Greg Monroe all the fucking time.”

Hanging out with them – Say you’re at a party and your bro asks if you want to go smoke a fatty. Obviously you do because you're a fucking bro. You walk upstairs and who the fuck is up there? Only the a starting wideout and a running back on the nationally ranked football team. Taking shots, smoking weed, or doing lines of coke with star athletes gets more bro points than you could ever imagine. Imagine how much of a bro the guy who got Josh Hamilton to do his first shot ever was? Fucking Bro King! Major bro points go out to banging a slam piece before a famous athlete bangs her. If you can honestly say there is a Naismith or Heisman Trophy winner out there that knows what your dick tastes like, please take your throne sir. You are a king among bros.

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