It’s your first day back on campus sophomore year. You just had a fucking amazing summer but you finally got the fuck away from your parents. Honestly, how many times do you have to tell them the reason you got a 1.9 freshman year was because you got fucked up all the time? Anyways, the important thing is, this is going to be the best year of your life. Not only are there a whole new crop of slam pieces going through orientation, but all the sophomore bras who were too good for you last year because upper classmen were “way more mature” (aka had a car on campus and were more experienced at lying to girls) are now turning their attention back to you. Yeah, this shit’s all great, but the best part of being a sophomore? You’ve finally paid your dues and now it’s your fucking time to shine. Let the hazing begin.
The best thing about hazing is that it can be done by anyone. Obviously fraternities are notorious for their amazing hazing abilities, but honestly, I think it’s probably better on most sports teams these days. Every bro at some point in their bro life has been hazed. And don’t fucking think organizations are the only ones who haze. Random groups of bros, even after graduation from College, will haze the shit out of any prospective bro. Hazing is the shit. Hazing makes you better bros. Also, everyone had to do that shit so if you bitch about being hazed, you are not a bro – go join a fucking book club. Here are a couple of the greatest reasons to haze:
Builds Bros – If you’ve ever seen Band of Brothers, you know that war builds amazing bonds. Hazing is basically war, only instead of freedom the end goal is getting hammered constantly with bros who are cool as shit and banging hot slam pieces. It’s still up in the air which goal is more important, but one thing is for sure, bros would be nowhere without hazing. The rule of thumb is the heavier the hazing, the stronger the bros. By doing things like forcing your pledges/rooks to eat human shit or do an elephant walk you are basically saying, “Hey, by learning what your fellow bros’ shit tastes like you will be better bros,” and I have to say - I really respect that.
Power – Have you ever smashed a beer bottle and told a pledge/rook to go “Get Me A Fresh Beer. NOW!!” like Frank the Tank in Old School? No? Well then I would advise you to get the fuck off this site because you are obviously not a bro. Do you realize how powerful it makes you fucking feel to boss people around? It seriously is the shit. If pledges/rooks ever disagree with you then you can make them do any shit you want. Everytime I say, “I’m going to make your fucking life a living hell,” I still get a half-chub. Bros fucking love power. You know who else loves power? Slam pieces. By hazing the shit out of pledges/rooks in front of slam pieces, 9 times out of 10 they will go down on you immediately. The other time they will give it up doggy.
Bottom Line – Bros fucking love hazing.
Posts
33 comments:
Our Frat got shut down for hazing. God we're Bros. Not to mention all the slam pieces who had sympathy for us and our lost house. Hazing is the shit. It's a bros right of passage.
100% truth. Hazing not only puts bros that really aren't bros yet in line but also builds bro character. Hazing is the shit.
Pi Psi Austin College
pledgship is not a fucking joke, damn right ur gonna get your balls hazed but then once you are in, it makes for some of the best bro-memories of college. hazing/bros are the shit.
God there is nothing I love more than hazing some balls. During hell week I made a pledge live off stale cereal and Saki. Needless to say his Bro-ness is unparalleled. Hazing never ends with bros either, "I don't give a shit if the exam is worth 2/3 of your grade, you need to come pound beers and slampieces with us on tuesday."
Hazing is the fucking shit. There is nothing better than yelling at a scut (pledge) to make a sound like a vegetable at the top of your lungs or playing space invaders from the roof using scuts and eggs as ammunition. Having scuts stand in a hole in the wall holding a piece of sheetrock as a makeshift wall is also the shit too. Bros are fucking awesome.
the best part about hazing is the fact that you can scream in someone's ear whilst making them eat dogfood and you will have 12 other bros cheering you on.
would really love to see a nice compelling blog about
lying. bros love lying. from the important lies (telling your
parents that you think that the minority your roommate had over stole your debit card, when in reality you lost your third debit card of the semester last night during yet another black out escapade)... to the basic stuff like telling some girl you hooked up with back at school who
randomly calls you in mid-july because she misses you (misses how
insecure you make her feel with your relentless putdowns which she
stupidly interprets as friendship simply because you gave her the
attention that she so desperately needs) that your busy playing golf,
when in reality your still in bed at 2 in the afternoon with no intention of getting up for at least another hour due to last nights festivities...
to the downright unneccessary lies ie. "ya my step-sister went there and fucking hated it," in response to some drunken baby (who you already know is a lay-up) telling you that she's going to University of Richmond this weekend to visit her best friend from high school, when in fact, you've visited your bros in Richmond countless times and fucking loved it, and... you don't even have a step-sister because your parents are still
married.
Hey Anonymous-- I feel you. Lying is a way of life for any true Bro. Ned's Younger Brother should address this topic. Oh and yes hazing is the shit.
I eat pieces of shit for breakfast.
I love hazing. I am a Bro.
hazing is a great way to distinguish and root out bros from bro-haters. Anyone who quit a fraternity during pledging is not only a bro-hater, but not even worthy of being called a member of the male species.
I love how pussies who quit fraternities have to take alternate routes to class to avoid the frat house.
God being a bro is the shit
To the D-bag that commented about lying...
I dont like the people who post a comment on what should be the next broclimation. It's like, well... nobody walked into the sixteenth chapel while it was halfway done and said "you know what would be cool? if you put a dragon up there..."
Nothing like getting a pledge to come pick you up from the bars, take you and the slam piece of the night back to her place, wait for you while you rail her out, then take you back to the house all to have you haze his ass. God bless America.
To the Anonymous two posts above me: you can't give another bro shit if your shit ain't straight yourself. It's the Sistene Chapel.
Sixteenth chapel are you fucking retarded
Hahah sixteenth chapel...good shit...
Anyway, some of my bros from another chapter made t-shirts that say "Haze 'em all, and let god sort them out"... pretty hardcore to put on a t-shirt
sistine chapel*
yea sports teams haze more than frats.
you obviously never pledged you cargo shorts wearing nerd
What is a world without hazing? It's a world full of fuckin nerds and fat chicks. Hazing is purely the ultimate way to bang hot slam pieces. I mean drinking a beer while being carried around by 4 pledges on a chair shows all slam pieces in the area that you are the fucking man and they immediately all start competing to see who will be your slam piece for the night
the worst hazing i had was having a pillowcase over my head and have a snake inside the case with my head. this was all happening for an hour in a pitch black room
Don't even try and tell us that sports teams haze more than fraternities that is such a load of horse shit and you obviously are not a true bro.
Sixteenth Chapel? Seriously? Bros are smart as shit, and you are not smart at all, which makes you a bro-hater.
the only real hazing i support is getting kids drunk as fuck till they puke and pass out. Every other form practiced makes you a fucking faggot. But making kids go on destruction tours breaking car windshields and shit is also acceptable. As long as theyre real fucked up.
bro i gotta disagree with just drink hazing pledges- that shit queers up your fag pledges for damn sure. every pledge who knows shit about being a bro enjoys the mere fact theyre getting drunk, its the mindfucking and raw hazing that carves fratstars.
As far as the rules of hazing are concerned, even bros who have already earned their bro-cred can partake in the fun and I will explain how.
Since I am clearly already a bro, I enjoy partaking in various hazing events. But when a bro-hating pledge bitches about eating an entire raw onion, I take that shit and house it myself. Every bro does it, why can't they do it again? You can't handle buckets of ice water being dumped on your bro-hating head? I'll show you what a real bro thinks of that.
Bottom line: Bros can do anything twice and not give a fuck. If you want to be a real bro, DON'T BITCH.
making them eat human shit-not cool
Hazing is the shit making pledges take a double horseshoe of chew until they puke or making them do bows and toes in a stand up shower (made some faggot quit with that one) or simply just yelling at them telling them how much of a piece of shit they are...there is nothing like it. when else in you lifetime can you make some pussy freshman literally do anything? its like having the power of a god if your fraternity didnt haze you are not a bro go back to Fiji
proud to be a ***
My baseball team in college got busted for hazing b/c some brohater posted the pictures on facebook.http://deadspin.com/202824/hazing-or-an-endorsement-of-intimate-apparel
There should be a topic on HATING ON FRESHMAN DUDES
freshman year our soccer team was getting smashed with the fieldhockey team during preseason. all the empties ended up on the pong table. one of the guys on our team flipped the table over and shattered bottles all over the floor yelling "Freshmen get in here and clean this up... bare hands"... cops came so we jetted to chill with the girls soccer team. we continued the tradition years after. one of our bros smashed a broom over a freshman and said "clean up your act"... ironic and hilarious.
I don't haze I amaze
i have no respect for frats that dont haze...i earned my letters and i would do it all again...all this talk of hazing makes me want to go back to school right now
Post a Comment