#49 Not Calling Girls When You Say You Will

When bros are out getting fucked up, there is one thing they are thinking about: getting laid. They will go to amazing extremes to accomplish this. One of the most popular methods is pretending they are actually interested in the girl. Jokes on her though – everyone knows bros don’t have feelings. Anyways, after suffering through a half hour of learning about meaningless things like her job, the college she attended and what she wants to do with her life, its finally sexy time. Mission accomplished. Now comes the interesting part. “Let me see your cell phone,” she says. Since you will do pretty much anything to get her out of your apartment, you oblige. She then types in her cell # with her name, which is good because you had already forgotten it. “Call me sometime, let’s go to dinner or something.” After she bounces you quickly change her name to the name of the bar you met her at followed by “slam piece” so you can remember her. Oh she’ll be called for some dinner – but unfortunately for her the only item on the menu will be Italian Sausage.

There have been many tragedies in the history of bro-kind, but none compares to the catastrophe that occurred in 2004. Things were going well for bros, they were getting fucked up and nailing slam pieces left and right without consequence. That’s when it happened. The “Mein Kampf” directed against bros. The six words that will haunt bros forever. “He’s Just Not That Into You.” Now any true bro will rise above the social disaster that is this book, and to be quite honest it creates a positive challenge for bros. Girls now realize the game we play when we never ask them out on dates and text/call them at 2am to hang out and that is fucked up. If the girl didn’t want to become a late night booty call she should have never gotten involved with a bro. Trying to get a bro to commit to a relationship is like trying to turn a gay man straight. Shit just doesn’t work. Seriously, what the fuck are they thinking.

Bros also love never calling girls they get phone numbers from at the bar. Getting a phone number is such a huge ego boost to a bro and sometimes knowing you can bang a slam piece is even better than having to go through any effort of banging said slam piece. Bros often will ask for a girl’s number at the bar with the intention of banging her that night, and if it doesn’t happen they will be deemed as worthless.

But what happens if you run into the slam piece again? Won’t it be awkward? Not at all. You can go down one of two roads. If the slam piece is absolutely busted, go for the #12 pretending not to remember her route. But my favorite and what is most likely going to get you laid is this route. Quickly change her number by one digit in your phone. This works best if she approaches you first asking why you never called. Say you “did call but she gave you the wrong number,” then really give it to her by saying you “thought you had a connection and called to ask her out, but found out she just gave you the wrong number on purpose.” This makes the slam piece think you really care about her and within the hour the deal will be closed.

Bros: 1. “He’s Just Not That Into You”: 0.