Pretty much to the same degree bros love bars - bros hate clubs. I regret to inform everyone that I have actually been to one. Please feel free to write comments about how I have lost all bro-cred, I deserve it, but let me explain. It was part of a bachelor party, and for some reason the bachelor wanted to hit one up in DC. It was miserable. We got bottle service and a VIP section, which was pretty amazing seeing as how it was just a fucking couch and a bottle of Grey Goose and it only cost $50 a person for 15 people, but hey the Red Bull and Cranberry juice was free. Honestly, who the fuck would ever like to go to clubs? Everyone there thinks that they are better than you, but unlike with bros, they really aren't. Also, who the fuck would ever want to go somewhere with a dress code. Sure some guy rolled up in a new suit and and fucking BMW luxury SUV, but you know what - he lives in his mother's basement. Here are some ground rules:
- If you have ever worn a blazer out at night - you are not a bro.
- If you have ever talked about how nice a place is because "it's just a lounge and you can chill on a bottle all night" - you are not a bro.
- If you have ever gone out "just to dance" - you are not a bro.
- If you have ever paid $50 for a cover, but then dropped $20 to the bouncer so you can get VIP access, which does not include free alcohol - you are not a bro.
- If you have ever had a trance/house mix cd - you are not a bro.
- If you have ever gone someplace because a rapper/basketball player was there, even though you know full well you will never see him and just want to tell people you were there - you are not a bro.
Bottom Line: Bros fucking hate clubs.
Posts
42 comments:
blazers and hats are legit frat bro attire, especially when tailgating for SEC football.
anywhere that says no hats allowed loses serious bro-cred. especially if you remember that the bar used to allow hats
yeah, I might wear a blazer to my future pathetic office job as a tired, depressed 45 year old father of four, not as a 19 year old frat star
Slampieces frequent clubs so any Bro that truly wants to get some ass knows that the club is the shit. I'd never pay more than $10 to enter anybodies establishment, I don't give a fuck if Moses was there. Bottle service? Fuck that shit. Bros are already faded before we show up. VIP? Fuck that shit. All of the drunken stragglers are out on the dance floor waiting to be picked off by the first bro with a nice grind. So you spot her. There she is... the chick with the toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her pumps, huge tits and sweating from all the cosmos/martinis (whatever bitches drink). This chick has slampiece written all over her.
After the grind sesh, it's time for the one night stand. Of course this slampiece isn't all that fine and shit because most of the bad bitches are in V.I.P awaiting some B-ball/Football player or career criminal to buy her and her friends drinks and later on to beat it up at the end of the night. This is just one of those nights to pad the stats so who gives a damn how hot she is? The answer is, hot enough for me to get it up. "Buy me a drink?" Bitch please. How about a cock on the rocks?
The moral of the story is... this bro fucks with the club.
Clubs fucking suck. You can find the same ugly ass drunk bitch down to fuck at the bar. Minus the dress code, cover charge, and techno.
Cover charges are a no go, period. There are too many dives with nickel beers and dollar wells filled with underaged frosh to waste my time with that garbage.
Bros hate clubs?
$50 dollar covers, dress codes, fucking bathroom attendants, bottle service, not a single fucking draft beer anywhere, bitches who think they're better than they are (you know, even more so than normal), and the shittiest bartenders, bouncers and Guido clientele ever?
Bros don't hate clubs. Bros want clubs to burn to the ground.
If you've ever gone to a club intentionally, you deserve to be fucked in the ass with an Absolut bottle, bottom end first.
Of course, if you've ever intentionally gone to a club, you'd probably like that.
Clubs and these so-called "lounges" are the worst fucking establishments on the face of this earth. Couldn't agree more with NYB and the bro above me.
And what's with all these shitty rap and pop songs always talking about how they were "in da club"? That pisses me off just as much as fucking clubs do.
In college our Brotel had a club. It was called The Orchard. It consisted of a hand-me-down bar, a dartboard, a TV set for one category: sports, and a ceiling fan with underwear attached to it. If any bro-haters showed up and complained about our choice of music (90's grunge/classic rock) they were ridiculed immensely and told to "pound salt, pussy."
Its the only club we ever went to. We left only to go to bars with cheap wings, cheap slam pieces, or cheap shots. The Orchard satisfied all of our bro-quirements and then some. Bitches cried, bro-haters barfed and got beat up, and bros played flip cup until the sun came up and neighbors complained. long live bros.
To guys everywhere: “Humpday” has your number. With X-ray vision, this serious indie comedy, written and directed by Lynn Shelton, sees through its male characters’ macho pretensions to contemplate the underlying forces hard-wired into men’s psyches in a homophobic culture.
http://movies.nytimes.com/2009/07/10/movies/10hump.html
Yes I hate american clubs but foriegn clubs are a different story..For example in south america the cover charge is about 5 pesos, yes I am willing to drop a little more than a dollar for a cover charge, there is no dress code, the drinks are relatively cheap(2.00 USD), and slampieces are everywhere.
i love clubs and i thought everyone did plus it is fun to meet other bros in line waiting 45 minutes to an hour to get it. I would love it if someone please explain what a slampiece is? Also just a recommendation i think energy drinks only make sense when you are trying to sober up to be under the legal limit to drive. Hollar back bros!
prior poster. you are not now nor ever have been or will ever be considered a bro. you are a total douche bag!!
Clubs are for punk ass Guidos. Guidos are the ultimate bro haters and deserve to get fucked in the ass with a bottle of hair gel.
Yo I definitely agree with this shit clubs are the bain of Bromanity...any bitch you find at a club is expectin free drinks and if you don't come through then there 50 other guido's that will pay for that shit. Go to your local bar...find you a piece of ass and take that shit home for the cost of a taxi..plus every bro is obligated to support his local hole in the wall
agreed - blazers are for serious fags only - I, or any one of my bros, wouldn't be caught dead wearing a jacket out to a bar/pub - give me a fucking break buddy...
and 50$ cover charge at a "club?" jesus - as someone else on this site referenced and i am adopting, that is a serious bro-tariff that i refuse to pay... as far as im concerned, those douche bags should pay ME just so i dont go into thier "club" put my fingers down my throat and throw up all over the first few people i see...
does the 40/40 club count for that last bullet?
bros love trance/house jams
Blazers are definitely bro-status. They show everyone that you are better than them, but still love to party and get wasted. Plus they're super hilarious cause super wasted + preppy dress is like paradoxical hilariousness.
Clubs suck there always filled w guidos or sleelsy minorities.The only good thing is slam pieces are always fucked up and theyre easy to pull a one nite stand.But who the fuck wants to dance, u have 2 pull a quick grind sesh still which is sick but its still a club.
I have agreed completely with every post up until this one. I consider myself a bro to the highest degree. All I do is stay fucked up, skip class, talk shit, work out, and crush multiple pussies on a daily basis. I also dont mind goin to a club once in a while lookin like a baller and crushin some top of the line dime pussy. And if bros dont like house, then what they fuck do they like? Nothing says im a loud obnoxious deuche bag like fist pumpin to some fuckin house.
-bros dont pay cover ever because bouncers see theyre fucking bros and let them in
-bros love mind altering drugs, so clubs are fucking great because drugs are everywehere. slam pieces always want to fuck bros on E
-slam pieces go to clubs to "blow off steam" from their "stressful" job or some other bullshit reason. They then have a free pass to dance with bros then smash later because they were just in that mood- an easy scoop and score for football fans out there
-slam pieces wear almost nothing to clubs, making slam sessions with bros in places like the bathroom and clearly the dance floor that much easier
-bro-haters obviously dont get let into clubs because they clearly arent legit enough, so bros are surrounded by other awesome bros all preying on unworthy whores and everyone wins
This shit is incorrect...Bros love any establishment where you can find slam pieces. I always go where I think I can find the largest quantity of hot slam pieces. It doesn't matter if it's a bar, club, country bar, or even a fucking lounge. Although I rarely go to lounges cause they're boring as fuck. College bars are the greatest locations EVER to find hot slam pieces. I would rank clubs second. As an experienced slam piece slayer, I can assure you that your rate of "slay success" is about equal at both.
On another note, I wear fucking blazers sometimes. I didn't used to and I thought they were gay as shit. BUT I wore one a few times and noticed a serious uptick in slam piece interest. Now it is a standard piece of my attire (unless I'm going to a shitty bar).
The goal is closing the deal (never forget that). I split test my fucking outfits and pick the shit that equates to the highest slay rate. If you don't, then you are clearly missing the ball on this one. Get your brocalculations in check.
"Brocalculations" is not bro.
And the problem is, to the post two up, that bro-haters do get in the club - that's their shit.
bros go to clubs but never pay to get in because they know all the bouncers. bro's don't care about paying $14 for their vodka red bull because they are rich as shit.
this is a direct bro-diction (bro+contradiction) all bros love clubs due to their ability to attract the best slam pieces. a club is the number one place for bros to grind on slam pieces with their half chub while sipping redbull, and of course, fucking vodka. Gringing, as all bro-kings know, eliminates bullshit small talk and gets girls panties wetter than Michael Phelps in a dead sprint at the Olympics. Therefore all bros must put in club-time, this is not to be confused with going to a club, because it is much different. Club-time involves lying about being on your friends VIP list and then being enraged when you do not get in free (ask if they are aware who your father is), upon entering a bro must take over the largest bar in the least amount of time. this entails gaining the attention of all bar-tenders and out drinking the biggest fuck at the bar. After a considerable amount of redbull, vodka, jager-bombs, and blow has been consumed a bro must proceed to grind on every slam piece in the club until one becomes interested. If a bro is unable to pull a slampiece (which never happens, but we can pretend) his only remaining option to defend his bro-status is to break shit until he is forcibly removed by every bouncer on duty (because just 5 of those tiny fucks couldn't hold you down).
foreign clubs are a different story, i just got back from cancun...if you dont go to some of those clubs your shitting the bed and missing out on an unreal time
Anonymous, how the hell do you know what a club in Cancun is like? Why would you ever agree to go? Anyone who told you that the club was good should have been made fun of by all your bros and shunned from the group.
Clubs are only good when you're on a social with a hot ass sorority. Cover is free cuz your fraternity has it covered, and the slampieces love it. Plus, there's nothing wrong with house. It gets pussies wet and slampieces are dtf when you're grinding on them to house music.
So for Greeks, clubs are only acceptable for socials/mixers with sororities, no other ocassions.
how do bros hate clubs? that's an awful claim.
bros would hate clubs b/c they don't wanna get rejected which is completely unbro if u can't take rejection.
bros would definitely like clubs cause its the Convenience store of hook ups
clubs can actually be alright sometimes. before you start calling me gay, listen to this. one of my bros got hooked up with some free new found glory concert tickets at some club in pittsburgh the day before i left for spring break. the concert was made even more fuckin awesome when i found out that they were giving out free beer upstairs. who gives a shit that i was underage? i just walked up to the bouncer like the true bro that i am and flashed my fake i.d. the bouncer wasn't about to fuckin turn a true bro down so of course i went upstairs and got fucked up drinking free beer and rocking out at that concert. after the concert, i took some stupid slampiece back with me and ended up railing her on my bros couch. just to recap, the cost of going to a concert at a club, getting fucked up, railing a chick, and just having a fuckin awesome night was $0.
my point is don't be blindly hating on clubs cause if you got connections (which every true bro should have), on the the right night, clubs can be the shit.
the best part of the whole night? the next moring i had to take the greyhoun back to baltimore the next morning while i was hungover as shit. every single fuckin retard and poor person on that bus knew i was a bro, and therefore fuckin awesome cause of how hungover i was. bros are the shit
I totally disagree with this post. Bros hate SOME of the people at a club (Guidos, ed fardy fags) but PLEASE Tell me A BETTER way to get a chick ready to FUCK then dancing? Clubs are preferred over bars SOLELY because there is a better chance of slaying a slut when you have been grinding all night versus talking.
Isn't the biggest bro thing of all time getting laid while getting fucked up?
If clubs have loud music, booz, and horny/ready to dance on your dick sluts...then how can you possibly prefer standing around a fucking table at a bar talking?
You can prefer bars...when you have a fucking girlfriend.
Argue any of these points...
I agree that that cover to clubs is a no-go but wtf are you talkin about bro, clubs are markets for slampieces. As for trance and house music don't be a bro-hater. Everyone knos that bros listen to techno and trance while fucking slam piecies. Anyone who disagrees is not a true bro and to all the haters all I have to say is sorry for partying.
-Woodbro Chillson-
bros fucking love trance/house mix cds. what the fuck are you playing at parties before the hits?
NYB is right - going to clubs is most definitely not-bro.
However, clubs can prove useful to a bro, if exploited properly - and they provide an opportunity to incorporate many of the other very-bro things listed on this site:
First, the lines in front of clubs are usually packed with groups of (#39 cougars), because bouncers rarely let older slampieces skip the line. So you (#8 roll deep) with your bros up to a group of cougar slampieces and explain how you (#40 got kicked out) of the club because you beat some guys ass (#15 ultimate fighting) after he talked shit about the troops (#63 loving America).
Then you tell the slampigs that this club has "really gone downhill anyway" (#45 hating clubs) since they started letting (#89 hipsters) and the general public (#38 being better than poor people) in. Mention that you know of a great (#82 after party) at your family's bar (#14 talking about how important your dad is), and (#105 lying) about how (#67 famous athlete) is supposed to be there.
At this point you have successfully used the club to get a slampiece sufficiently wet and lured her back to a more bro-suitable environment, all without wasting any money or time at said guido establishment. From here you can (#52 bang her someplace other than a bed), (#2 steal) her expensive digital camera, (#44 make her cry), go back to her place and (#97 take a dump on her floor), or whatever else you end up feeling like doing after you (#93 black out).
True bros can take any bro-hating situation (like a club) and turn it to their own broyal advantage. Bros rule the fucking world.
the only clubs i go to have a dress code of a collared shirt and golf spikes
They only club bros like is the mile high club
after like 3 when all the bars are closed, id go to the clubs cuz theres a 20 dollar cover charge and then you can get pills for ten bucks. It leads to a fucked up night and when you take enough pills dancing to trance music is the shit
gotta agree, clubs are fuckin dank... BUT sometimes they need to be reminded that their occupants are below bros. we hit a club on one of my boys birthdays (only thing open on a tuesday with more than 3 people under the age of 60). My bro Flinstone (he ran home barefoot from a bar about 6 miles carrying a chick that weighed more than him, true bro king, hence the nickname) tripped some guido bastard and 2 bouncers laughed. were in. convinced a group of slams we were part of the cast from Wild Boys, started shit with the guido regulars, and got thrown out within 40 mins. Slams saw how bro we were, and the one who i told my name was chris pontius (jackass legend) to texted me for our address. fuck if she didnt bring her whole crew, and i nailed her at 3am while Moon Landing Face beat her pussy watching, expecting to join in. Ummm you, not so much...
lol 50$ cover and 20$ for VIP? idk what clubs you went to but they sound like shit to me. Let's try 100$ cover. and upwards of 2 grand for VIP. and yes, 50 cent. Being a bro doesn't always mean you have to be a fuckin bum and get with 2nd rate slam pieces at your broken in local bars
NYB I got your back. I've to a few clubs and short of slapping the shot girls asses the major event of the night is watching the minorities, guidos, and losers standing around the dance floor wishing they had the balls to dance with the dumpster sluts. Dive bars and local watering holes are the epitomy of frat/bro culture. At my favorite spots the clientele are 99% white. Everyone talks about baseball or hockey, and always enjoys the .25 cent draws while simultaneously driving their 328i or X5. Tahoe or Classic Car is acceptable as well. Fuck clubs, and the bro-haters that infest them.
Man all the clubs where I live are full of black people. Straight up hood dudes
Post a Comment