#34 Throwback Jerseys

Much like #13 Slappin’ Skin and #29 Grinding, wearing throwback jerseys began as a trend amongst the Black community. Obviously bros had to get in on this shit. But while Black guys would fork over $250 for the Mitchell & Ness Willie Stargell ’79 Pirates jersey, bros had a better idea: eBay. For the small price of $20, anyone can add an incredible amount of bro-cred just by throwing on their new threads. Trust me, nothing feels better than having a fellow bro come up to you and say, “Dude, your jersey is fucking hilarious,” then taking a picture with you facing away from the camera. This is basically the equivalent of girls complimenting each other on their shoes. Are you not getting the bro-cred you believe you deserve? Then pick a jersey with one of these characteristics and I guarantee you will get laid.

Topical/Controversial Jersey – This basically refers to a jersey that no one would really ever have except for the fact that they have been in the news recently, preferably for something illegal. For example, a couple years back the hot jerseys were Duke Lacrosse for obvious reasons. I’m actively searching for Rae Carruth Panthers jersey, but I think I might just go with a safe choice: a University of Tennessee Donte Stallworth. Much more topical, plus Stallworth is obviously a bro (#23 Drinking and Driving.)

Fictitious Jersey – Say you are a die hard Cleveland Indians fan. There's a good chance the last four players whose jerseys you bought are now on different teams. It’s time to sack up and buy that Willie Mays Hayes jersey you've had your eye on on eBay. When bros see other bros wearing jerseys of movie characters they do a double take, that’s when they realize how fucking awesome the jersey is. They then start a slow clap andwill congratulate you on how awesome you are because of the clothes you are wearing. Other examples of sick fictitious jerseys include a #42 Beavers jersey from Teen Wolf, #99 Lattimer from The Program, or if you are the designated fat bro the #69 Billy Bob jersey from Varsity Blues.

White NBA Player Jerseys – Amongst bros, there is nothing as funny as old white basketball players. Perhaps the funniest type of jersey a bro can get is a white basketball player from the 90’s. And the whiter, the better. I scoured eBay for months for a Tom Gugliotta, Jud Bucheler or Jeff Hornacek, but much like a woman quickly counting down the days until she is barren, I had to settle. Rik Smits. Also, please note, if you ever see someone wearing a Greg Ostertag Jazz jersey, do NOT approach them. You are in the presence of a Bro King and you are in no way worthy of talking to him.