If you are like me you have been counting down this weekend since last September and incredibly we are now only one day away. Memorial Day weekend officially marks the beginning of the summer aka the season where it’s the Bros time to shine. Bros across the country are eagerly anticipating the start of the first Bros only vacation of the summer.
While former bros are spending the weekend with their girlfriend or fiancée, true bros are out getting fucked up beyond belief and hooking up with mad chicks. There are a few rules to a Bros only Vacation:
- No Bras allowed. If you have a girlfriend, you are permitted to text her, but if you are found on the phone with her for an extended period of time, fellow bros have the right to destroy said phone.
- You must be comfortable sleeping in an over-packed hotel room/vacation home. In recent years we have packed my parents’ three-bedroom beach house with up to 25 people. Unfortunately, this caused so called bros to sleep on the front lawn, which neighbors for some reason did not like. Therefore, we are no longer allowed back. Get with the program bros, if you can’t stand sleeping in a pile of spilled beer pong brew when you are blackout drunk, you might as well just end your bro-life and get engaged.
- You must be willing to drink non-stop all weekend long. Bros DO NOT “take it easy” during a Bros only vacation. Bro Vacations mean constant intoxication, no excuses. If you use the excuse, “I can’t drink because I really want to go for a run later” you are not a Bro. If you are puking in the morning, you should want to drink even more to get over your hangover/replenish the fluids. You know what? Scratch that - if you are puking in the morning, you should just go ahead and get a pregnancy test because one thing is certain - you are not a Bro.
- If you are going to the beach, you must plan on spending at LEAST twice as much time at the bar than at the beach. Also, bros don’t “lay out” when at the beach. They play tackle football, try to surf boogie boards, and make sculptures of penises in the sand. Additional bro-points are awarded if you can sneak brew onto the beach when drinking is banned or smashing kids’ crappy sand castles then telling the kids you will beat the shit out of their Dad.
So if you are heading out on a Bro-cation this weekend, enjoy. I’ll be heading up to Dewey Beach, DE with 5 of my bros. Look out for me at the Starboard, I’ll be wearing my bro-tastic Rebecca Lobo New York Liberty jersey with matching WNBA headband. God, I’m such a bro.
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27 comments:
broslikethissite.com is the bible to me
Reading Broslikethissite.com gives me a sense of relif in knowing that me and my fucking bros aren't the only bros out there in the world doing this all this bro shit.
as a former bro-hater, i'm starting to appreciate the bro lifestyle. or the bro-style. bryle.
i have learned much in these 21 posts, and expect to learn more in ones to follow.
This site has taught me that i had not been living up to my fullest Bro-tential. I always thought my self to be in the upper echelon of Bros. I know realize that there is much that i can improve on.
I may be missing something, but what is bro-tastic about a Rebecca Lobo jersey?
condoms hanging from tree branches
Also, isn't Dewey Beach, DE among the most notoriously homosexual beaches on the east coast, if not in the world? Vacations in search of bro on bro action are decidedly not bro.
Yeah, from a Delaware travel website...
"Rehoboth Beach and Dewey Beach are also popular destinations for gay and lesbian travelers, a mid-Atlantic alternative to Provincetown or Fire Island, with a number of gay-owned and predominantly gay venues."
Have fun, Bro.
I love this site, there is no question in regards to my affinity... However, to say that "If you're puking in the morning..."
I honestly think that "REAL BROS" could be puking at damn near any time of day. Bros puke when they want, where they want. If you puke at night, you're basically guaranteed to have a hard time getting laid. If you wait until like 10 minutes after you've banged a Bra to barf, you're money.
Bras feel safer at Dewey Beach because of the local fruit crop, but this just means they are more vulnerable to bro-tacks in this area. By the time a bra figures out that the Goodfella-quoting guy she is talking to wearing a WNBA headband is actually a red-blooded American bro, he has already flashed a shocker at her camera, bro-tack complete.
how many of yall heard about this site from hot clicks on sportillustrated.com?
1 - technically, the term for his type of vacation is a "mancation."
2 - no homo, dewey beach is the shit.
3 - one question: if I say "no homo" and then have sex with a man, is that gay?
While I applaud you for recognizing that dewey beach is the shit - #1 is incorrect. Since mancation can refer to ultimate bro-haters i.e. married men going on vacation together, bros only vacations do not allow for such participants.
and just for the record...
dewey beach is the ultimate rage spot, most populated with hot dirty college sluts from UD, while rehobeth beach (better known as rehomo) is the notorious gay hang out...
Once on a bros-only-vacation my one bro decided to make a day of killing a personal 30-rack. We convinced him to let us duck tape 4 at a time to both of his hands, and when they were polished off leave the empties in place and duck tape the subsequent cold rounds to the outside, creating pseudo-boxing gloves of empty cans. Unable to use his hands, whenever he needed to piss he'd just find they one guy who came with his and had the audacity to bring his girlfriend, stand between the two of them and let it run down his leg, forming a pool at their feet.
this is also known as a brocation
Last spring break me and 3 other bros drank from 11am to 2am (when the all inclusive open bars opened and closed respectfully) every day for 4 days straight. One bro blacked out at 1pm and got thrown out of the pool area only to come back strong later that night, compete in the resort's talent show, come in second, and proceed to get the 40 year old winner of said pageant so fucked up he pissed in the ocean on people.
Said bros who piss/pass out/pound a bra in the ocean shall be nicknamed Bro-ceidon, Lord of the Brocean.
we had 5 bros staying in 1 hotel room for spring break. I found a slam piece to bring back to the hotel but 1 of my bros beat me to it and was already in there with another slampiece. so i had to resort to getting a bj in the vending machine/ice machine room on the floor. luckily nobody came in but it would have been pretty damn funny. another one of my bros ended up railing a chick in the lobby bathroom.
Me and 9 of my fellow bros have decided to invest in a beach house for the summer.. Needless to say we are planning on slaying all types of slam pieces regardless of the age or legal consequences. One of the bros has a girlfriend, this could put a hindering to his summer on account of he will be the butt end of every joke. Any fellow bros wanna help establish some guidelines for us?
Who here has heard of or partaken in Fiji Beach Week, or been a Fiji at UVA?
Me and 5 of my fellow bros took part in what we called a (B)roadtrip. we rented an RV (that really only fit 5) and cruised around hitten up different schools before eventually landing in Vegas. The fridge was always stocked with a supply of natty bud or coors light and the freezer was filled with uncrustables (bros get hungry) We all made trucker hats with our nicknames on them, except for one. we made his hat a picture of his sister sharing a lollipop with another girl. It was definitely the best trip ever.
Bros only vacations are clutch, I am 29 and haven't missed a Spring Break yet, neither have my core group of 8 other bros. Slam peices love the grown man money and needless to say when you have the dopest house on the block in whatever spot you grace your presence upon adultry will happen.
Seriously, broslikethissite.com feels like home to me. I fucking love bros only vacation. and when I saw the Sweet Caroline one I knew this was the real deal
Lake Havasu spring break 2010 St Patricks Day, woke up still drunk from the night before and started blasting dropkick murphys around 7:30 a.m. Busted out the whisky and brews and started raging with my bro's. Once we had a good buzz goin we decided to go serve it up on all the slam pieces up and down the lake. Bigtits Babe was starring at me from across the way so i obviously was going to fuck her. Long story short we ended up in my room after about 30 minutes and showed her how sick college really gets. It was pussy overload that weekend, and my bro's were slamming just as hard. It was worth the risk and we were the bro kings.
just got back from bethany beach DE myself. it was fucking dope
Bros never figure out where they are gonna stay until they get to their destination. Because we are so smart and so good at finding slam pieces, bros know that we will always find a place to sleep. Either we are gonna pass out in a slut's bed or in our own puke. Either way, why would we ever pay for a hotel?
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