Bros have tough decisions to make before they hit the town. “What type of brew should I pick up for the pregame? Who will I drunk dial tonight for a booty call? What bar should we go get tanked at tonight? How many slutties am I going to hit on at the bar?” But before any of this can be determined, he must make his most important call: “What the fuck am I going to wear?” Sure, if you want to blend in with all the rest of the bros you could go with your classic pink Lacoste shirt you bought for like $80 last summer (totally worth it by the way), but tonight you want to show the ladies you are more than just a piece of meat, you are also funny as shit. That’s when you pick out your favorite thrift store t-shirt.
Most bros have at least 2 t-shirts they picked up at the thrift store. Bros love wearing these out because it shows that you are hilarious and it’s also a great conversation starter meaning you will get laid wearing it. For all you bro-wanna-be’s out there he’s a quick run down of exactly what you should be looking for at the thrift store:
- Sexual T-Shirts - These are very hard to find in any thrift store, because frankly not many of these are made. Some of the classic go-to’s which you are likely to find include anything involving the year 1969. The fact of the matter is bros love the number 69. Even when someone mentions something innocent like, “I got a 68 on that Calc test” someone inevitably interjects, “I bet you wish you got a 69!!!” A bunch of “OHHH’s” and then a dog-pile of bros and a final group chant with fist pumps of “Six-ty Nine! Six-ty Nine!” usually follows. So, if you are lucky enough to find a shirt that has a 69 on it, you had better god damn snatch that up.
- Racial T-Shirts – These types of shirts are much easier to find, and will definitely get the point across that you are an hilarious bro and more importantly get you laid. Say your thumbing through the t-shirt rack and come across a shirt saying “Johnson Family BBQ” sure its nice, but then you see the payoff – there is a picture of the ENTIRE family and get this – they are all Black! Jackpot. You quickly buy it and wear it out the first chance you get. The reactions to this shirt often go like this. Someone will pass by you, take a glance at that shirt then look away immediately. Then they will realize instantly “Now just wait a minute, he’s not Black” as they look back and begin laughing hysterically. Then the slow clap begins as you sir, must be recognized as a t-shirt genius. Then you get laid, probably at the bar.
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15 comments:
This Site Rules! I am already a Bro but it is teaching me how to hone my skills.
as a bro, I fucking hate to read. Unless its about myself. i like this site.
As a bro I feel you left one important section of T-Shirts off the list. If you go to the thrift store and you find an old school jersey T-shirt of a player from your favorite team, I feel it is a must buy (or just any old school jersey because jerseys are sweet). The other day I was at the thrift store and saw an old school Shawn Kemp Seattle Supper Sonics Jersey-T and had to have it because Shawn Kemp was the most ballin NBA player of his time havin 9-10 illegitimate children with 9 different women.
The epic shirts are the extremely questionable ones from the pop/boy band era.
If i find a boyz 2 men shirt you better fucking believe im picking that shit up.
only 2? i have like 15 of those things and they cost me a total of $20 fuckin dollars. Best one: "Chicks Dig Me" wih the little chickens running around.
Awsome shirt to wear to the game is the team jersey with 69 on the back and the words LUUNCH TIME as the name.
Real Talk bros:
Thrift Store suits. Bottom line, you buy a suit for 10 bucks before a party. Spill beer and vomit all over it and STILL hook up with some slut. Why? Because every bro looks AWESOME with a suit.
As a bro, of course I have my share of thrift store t-shirts. The best being my Shocker t-shit. Front having the shocker symbol, back being acronyms such as, two going to town with one in the brown, or two in the slut one in the but, ect. amazing t-shirt.
This is a classic racial shirt that works everytime. Its a picture of all of our presidents then fucking Obama or BRO-bama...then it states, 'can you spot the new guy?' classic
I found a shirt at the Museum of Communism in Prague that features a teddy bear holding an AK-47. I saw the bear's face so i checked out the shirt. It seemed so out of place in the Museum of Communism. When the shirt folded out i held it up and found the AK strapped over his shoulders. $25 worth of tshirt, priceless reactions.
i just picked a shirt with a chicken and egg lying in a bed. The chicken is smoking a jack and the egg says "i think i did." The greatest part is watching all the dumbfucks trying to figure it out. fuckin morons. anyway, the shirt cost like 6 bucks and all of the bras love it. totally worth it.
Best shirt picture of two girls greater sign picture of one girl. no sleeves. Perfect for the gym.
Any shirt involving a person's name on the back that is not your own is absolutely bro worthy. Not only that but if you are lucky enough to score a number as well, the shirt becomes exponentially better. Also old school tour shirts (i.e. Neil Diamond 1994 summer tour), which I have purchased, enshrines you on the throne of thrift store king.
Hear me out bros, one the BEST thrift store style shirts you can get are the tuxedo designed black T-shirts, they never fail to catch the eyes of bras and slam pieces alike. theyre wonderful becuase they say "I'm formal, but I'm here to party" the best thrift store shirt ive ever purchased is the t shirt from the hang over that Alan wears, you know the gray one w/ the head and tree and orange sun? yeah that one...
Got a Porn Convention Security Shirt the bras dig it every time I rock that shit
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