#5 Nipples

Now I know what all you bras out there reading this are thinking “These bros sound incredible, how do I get them to like me?” Well you are in luck. I am about to take you inside a bro’s mind to let you know exactly what he finds sexy and utterly irresistible. That’s right, I’m talking about nipples. Nipples are by far the sexiest thing in the mind of a bro. It really doesn’t get hotter than seeing those nips. “How can they be sexy when everyone has them?” What is this the fucking Spanish Inquisition? Lay off and take a look at the evidence:

• Immediately makes things pornographic – Has anyone ever sat down to compare Maxim to Playboy? They are pretty much the same magazine, and one might even make the case that the articles in Maxim are more objectionable. However, Playboy has one thing Maxim doesn’t have: Nipples, and that makes Playboy sheer and utter pornography and everyone knows, bros love porno. Showing nipples in a movie also raises the rating. Usually nipples mean an R rating, however every now and then a PG-13 movie comes along with nipple shots. Every bro knows the PG-13 movies that have nipples in them, because they rented them like 10 times growing up (Titanic, European Vacation, and National Geographic: The Ashanti Tribe of Africa all quickly come to mind.) Bottom Line: I don’t think bros would have cared as much about Rose being so selfish and not letting Jack use the floating wood had there not been nipples in that movie.
  
  
• Girls Gone Wild – If you have ever watched these movies (if you haven’t you are not a bro), you will see that there is a central theme to every scene. Guys want to see some nipples. Sure the girls are already hanging out of their bathing suits, but that string bikini leaves way too much to the imagination. These bros’ minds are wandering just trying to envision what the girl’s nipple might look like – “Is it small? Could it be huge? Could there be some sort of Nipple ring involved?” All valid questions, but then something magical happens – the young lady in question finally liberates her nipples letting the world know exactly what she is dealing with. The flash is always a great moment in bro history. If you have ever been around a group of bros when this happens you would understand. The Flash is basically the bro-Santa Claus however instead of presents, half-chub boners are delivered.
  
  
• Forbidden Fruit –Sure bros have their own nipples but it’s the pure fact that girls do everything in their power to cover up theirs that makes bros want to see them so much. Honestly, if girls wore earmuffs all the time and nothing else bros would still be trying to sneak a peak of their eardrum. Bros would talk about how sweet it was when they got to “suck on some canal” and to be honest, I really don’t even want to think about how “lobe-fucking” would work…